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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1025)
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- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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Now what!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Nov 28, 2016 9:55 am

Im constantly without support for higher level things! I have support to lower level things; not for my better or intellectual self!

Technically Ive gone as far as I can in the 12 step system! it is like a giant psych hospital for me! its a place I've used to hide out, hide away! now; I dont want to hide their anymore! when I was in college; I hid out! before this; I hid in relatives houses and basements or my mothers house! before this, I was hiding from the neglect I was experiencing! Ive been hiding all of my life! Ive been hiding from terror and abuse and bulling of one level or another! Or from complete rejection of everything and everyone!

Im working with God on my future! Im not sure what it is or what it looks like yet! I have no idea career wise! I can only guess! I feel like an 8 year old trying to make decision for what or who I will become in 30 years!

Its like living in the twilight zone; your never living how you want to live or up to your potential! Im not protected in a fine or good career! Im not in anything! i was thrown away young into mass poverty and confusion! meaning, my schooling was ruined, and I was ruined! and given away or thrown away! I was defranchised from my way of life very young; I could not regain myself because I had no established myself! my maturity is so very young within me that it off balances everything! I never thought this would happen to me; Im attempting to regain myself in life some how! Im working with success based thinking ignored to regain my life!

Time keeps ticket into the future! Im 54 today! Im always running and hiding! that is all I do! I haven't thought about establishing myself at anything; Im to pissed of and angry! but Im slowly allowing myself or willing to think in terms of what I would like to do! but their is no support team that wishes me well; like a family! not for me! at least, not in the present! The last thing I remember; I was 8 years old! and here I am now!

Ive worked through much of my dissociative disorder; but very little when it comes to making money or the understanding of it! However, Im working on those things! I have to work with God and learn to trust God!

One day moves into another like a bad dream! Im not connected into anything! I learned to be disconnected when I was being abused or manipulated by my Grandparents! they were no Grandparents; just sycophants! degenerate child molesters! My Grandmother allowed it; so she is accomplice to it! she was told and did nothing! They were liars! They did nothing for me; I lived with them; they cared nothing about my schooling or future! no one did! I was thrown away and passed from place to place to place; I watched all my dreams die! and me with it!

I have God! Those who do not accept me do not accept the God that is in me!

The goal is to work through the limiting beliefs and see if I cant make a dent in the world at some point from my opinion!

The idea is; make a new story! and that is what Im attempting!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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