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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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Not an artist yet!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Feb 06, 2014 12:01 am

Much PTSD problems in the way of being artist.

One identifier of health, mental health; I can feel safely in the here n now doing art work. I can feel safe being an artist on a daily basis. nothing in the present or past or future is bothering me... I can safely be in the here n now with boundaries and purpose. Feeling safe in my 3 foot personal perimeter.

Most people do not understand; specifically those who are Do-g00ders. I do appreciate those who have helped me, even when shallow is thy name ( there name)!

===============================================================

Im in this strange place; space!

Im in-between. Im learning how to work through PTSD problems and dissociative problems, that I feel safe again in the present; safe enough to draw pictures ( Im an artist) in the present. This means all memories of bullies, family tragedies, losses. Relationships that are no more! violence, and many other things are not the basis for my everyday decisions. Fear is not the basis of my everyday decisions.

I remember when I had some freedom and the ability to look at life as a wide open wonderful place; a place of freedom and love and sharing and openness. This was in my beginning years on planet earth. Im seeing these memories again! Im remembering; this is who I am! I was free to move and roam when I felt like it! I remember the happy times, the secure times. Some of these thought s are returning to me!

When I had the world pulled from under me! I was to young to understand the nature of the beast. Im a bit older now! I spent many years not trusting anything of a social quality dealing within America. I trusted no base consistency. Nothing is sacred! nothing real; this is what I told myself. I wanted no more pain. The whole of this life experience had turned into a nightmare with no where to go accept walls. I was truly beyond escape... And it was permanent; I could never go back to safety.


This was an act of the sadistic natural; the sadistic sociopath. It is an exciting thing for the sociopath; they feel a rush of power from such things done to children or the elderly or those that can't defend themselves. These are very dangerous people! There crimes escalate; soon it all turns to murder in one form or another!

Im headed back to this place ( the seen of the crimes); I have much work to do!

Ive learned that the way to deal with a sociopath is to stay away from them; from any contact!
====================================================================================

Forgiveness is essential for survival because it begs the question; whats my role in it. Im talking about the present and for some the past, or very great past. For me its the present.

I have allowed others recently to insult me, and I did nothing about it. If I had not been in the same room or building with them, this incident would not have occurred. Its important to understand that as an adult, my actions bring me in contact with the wrong people ( snakes bite; when will I learn!). Why do I bitch when the wrong people attack me in there home area. They did not come to me; I went to them. Problems start when I participate and make them start.

Its important not to converse with shallow minded small town people. One can be stripped at the roots very quickly! This can cause great damage to self esteem and identity.

Eventually the sociopaths go away when no more fun is to be had; they could care less regardless of where or who you came from or my safety or health. They are never on your side and can never be trusted.
===================================================================

I have lost entire families and ways of life because of these sub-human( animals).

=================================================================================

The Final goal;
Remember everything about who I am and where I came from! Go back through the memories; take what I like and leave the rest.

Separate myself from the memories of my past! Its important to sift myself and identity out of my memories. Keep my identity, leave the trauma I was untangled in; this is possible! Ive been working at identity issues for several years. If I can rebuild the present and let go of resentments, memories might return. Ive done my work in 12 step groups and the shrinks offices ( therapists) to render my chances to a favorable position; seems to be working.

The PTSD worlds keep me confused of who I am and where I came from. Although, I would like to come from one time period; PTSD problems cloud my thinking. When I work through one set of problems I then believe Im ready for touchdown into the real me. However, I touchdown into another PTSD based world that has never been resolved. This causes great anxieties and confusion. It has the feeling of being placed in a rapists arms! You know your never safe, you've landed in another nightmare!

If I keep working through things ( problems) I have a chance to heal. I must remember to complete the task. It is not enough to feel again, or feel safe. I must get my mind back! Get it healed that I can be present and make my own decisions.

Its incredible that Im in this position of healing!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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