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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/no_love_b-9068_sid-4476373388be8837f4e2b22088ca4163.html

Author:  OMNICELL [ Thu Oct 08, 2015 8:17 pm ]
Blog Subject:  No love

What does it cost to take care of your teeth in the United states; I don't have money! I will have to pray about it!

Got through the housing inspection!

Talked this morning at a meeting! Talked about living of off everyone when young! Up to the age of 27; then later, asking for rent money from my mother; over n over n over! I could not function! Before that, I would work at different places! But could not hold a job! I meaning, IVe worked at places for 3 years, 2 years! Flunky jobs! Go nowhere jobs! 2, 3 years! Could not use my talents or utilize my talents!

So, Im watching my teeth rot out and no place to go to get them fixed! Nothing! Nothing I can do! Get each one pulled until I have none left! Horrifying!

Talked this morning about money; The people I lived of off had money! But that was none of my business! I really never saw any! I was to ###$ up!

I wanted to die! I was trying to hide in their houses!

I could not function! I had no family! These were a bunch of ######6 vampires from hell! Satanists! Psychopaths! Molesters!

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Finally went through; apartment inspection over with! Hate those!~ place has never been cleaner!~ It's not cleaning I mind! It's being forced back into reality!

Im almost autistic in my abilities to be part of reality! Im retarded in this area; over slow! Disabling!

Weight lifting is going great! The Gym is and has been my second home for a long while! People know who I am without asking! Im a Gym Rat; kinda! Not really a body builder! Its nice to belong to something like this as a life style; Mountain biking is the same!~ its part of my life; I don't drive! I ride bikes everything all year round!

I have 5 nice bikes! I don't have the money for upkeep on anymore then this!
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Father;

Starting to see a bigger picture of things!

He is not wanted by his original family system! His parents and their parents before this; sociopaths!

He is unloved and thrown away!

When he marries; he finds someone just like his mother/father! His wife ends up betraying him the way his mother and father betrayed him! Im assuming he was hoping he found someone that he could work his past life relationships through! Unfortunately it backfired! She nailed him! She hurt him or betrayed him or abandon her husband! His intention was to work through his past, using his new first wife, that will be the mother of his kids!

It all backfires! He ends up spending most of the time going back to school to get out of the relationship! And strange; my mothers background includes only men that dump her or use her; the live of her as they go back to school to get a degree!

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Me;
Im caught in the crossfire! They both pull out, and never come back! they both stop the marriage, and go their separate ways; neither claims the children! and seems to be permission to dump the children after the divorce

So, Im seeing what I got caught up in! I was not noticed! not loved! either sociopath claimed to owe no one! I was no ones responsibility; they were just their for the fun of it! they were just funn'n! and owed no one anything! meaning, the children belonged to someone else! The house owners ( mother/father) were their for a quick good time! nothing permanent! they were just having fun playing house!

I and my brothers meant nothing to everyone! we were throw aways! its worse then that! We were discarded after the owners had their fun! no relationship! nothing!

We were used and made to believe we belonged to a safe world! it was all a front that they could get away at an opportune time and leave us!

I did not know as a child that I was living with psychopaths! i did not know I was not loved or noticed by anyone! in my fantasy bond world, I thought someone loved me!

I was never asked how I feel! Ever!

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