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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/next_blog_b-13798_sid-624899187dbc6deaf251ebd2a0501e19.html |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Sun Jul 25, 2021 12:44 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Next blog |
So; I was just at a party or summer get ta-getha. Did I want to spend time with this group of people; No; not really. Im 2 judgmental of them. Well; thats not it; I cant socialize the way I want to; everyone is hooked up and has clicks and knows each other; and allot of them are authentic sociopaths; some really with no conscious; and thats not good. . The point is; I have to get to point of being more open. More social. I hit a level of grief; I remember. thats the problem. Im hitting grief. . The grief is overwhelming and the places Ive been in recovery are places to hide so I can get better. But when its time to join the others; they are not always my people. I mean; they literally are sociopaths or narcissists so They are not my people; I mean; Im a human being; for some; 2 much meth and its eaten away their conscious mind... So; Im at gatherings with all kinds of people but some I cannot go near... . So; Im still with-drawn (sp); and introverted; but today was a good day... Im getting better; the people around me have no idea and no clue and dont care anyway because Im 2 much for them... . I told 2 women I was thinking of them. One smiled and liked it; the other looked at me like she was going to get sick to her stomach... because she was better then me! So; thats should tell you what it was like for me... . I played frisbee with a couple of blokes for a good while... Lots of food. . Im lazy to depend on all of those people; they are at a different wave length; but they really dont know that and dont know that about me... They never look at their own behavior; they just move on to other people when I have a problem with them... . I have to keep at it until Im good enough socially to meet the right people; Thats what Im praying for. I can feel it; I have to move into a new dimension. |
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