Lets start from the beginning;
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Many things happening.
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Several years back I started going into monk mode...
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I gave up my interest in everything; I had no more interest in women. I did not want them nor want them around me; nothing; I could have sex with them; I would not respond to them or could not; even if I wanted to; NO! to frightened. I wasnt getting anywhere. I wanted to get somewhere with someone. anyone.
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So; I started dropping out of everything; Now; after several years of work with several different people from the program of recovery; Im coming back now. Am I completely healed or cured; no! In fact it feels like I may be experiencing just another round. But things are different.
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I know Im becoming social again. Met a friend; he was my sponsor years ago; still my sponsor from the groups. Im now at the gym; he helped that situation. and Im social again and talking to others again. As if very little has changed.
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Although I wanted to go only 2 days a week; Im now going three days a week. I have hurt shoulders... Thought it might be a problem; but I talked to a trainer and got things figured out..
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Im new to social; real social; really being myself. Ill have to practice being myself; Ill wait for the universe to send its plans on how to do this.
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Social; Im starting... or starting from the beginning; really!
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Drums; Im learning how to hold the sticks... Im a new drummer.... So; its a time of practicing everything.
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Ive been waiting a long time to get to this place of starting new socially. What does this mean? It means; Ill learn how to be social again; being my real self in front of others; this means massive massive amounts of protected practice...