Shame and feeling bad came from things of my past I didnt ask for. My mind has been in a state of hatred and self hatred. ITs starting to lift and I dont associate with those past memories or conditions that were brought upon me.
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I was the nicest normalis't kid you would ever meet; thats why I was attacked at such degrees; because I was such a deep human being with a future.
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Im now looking at thinking about good things again for my life as if my mind is free to do so; not perfect yet; not strong yet; but the lid is off the top. Im on my own; Im free to ask the question; wouldnt it be nice to be around really great people and places and things of high level and intellectual interest; yes; why not. So; Ill be working toward that.
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Wouldnt it be nice to be in an enriched life; wouldnt that be nice; yes; with a day filled with enriching situations and activities.
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I have a friend; he reads science fiction allot during the day; I think its great. I wish I could relax and really feel safe in the moment And do these things... Im learning; I would like to do the things I want to do; be safe introvert.... red science fiction novels and not worry about anything else; be in my own dream world. One thing that would help would be this women issue; dealing with women. Next blog.
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Im having more problems with social. The problem is; women. I dont have one. I dont like the women Ive been around; non of them; I like women; but my God; Im not sure what's changed; but someone horrible is happening or has happened. It seems like they are all 2 faced; all of them. Im only interested in one; the one I can date; I'm not interested in any of the others for any reason. But thats up to God..... This is insane; all of it; Ill write this on another blog...
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Im a nerd introvert type; Im sensitive; Im the kind of person that wants to be close to someone when Im at a gathering; I dont want to sit alone or be popular with people because Ive done that before. I dont like it; I dont like it unless Im in a relationship with someone....
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Ill save this for another blog...