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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- December 2019
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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New events

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Nov 22, 2015 2:34 am

1. memory recall! one main goal! heal up, and get back self, independent self before I was hurt when Young! I had a few good years in my childhood that had independent thought and direction! Im looking to get that person back into the present! However, the bad times; ( laughing! Im laughing because I was genocided out of existence! these were not bad times! I was murdererd!, there is no general rational words for what happened to me! what happened to me goes beyond society! It goes before society! To places of horror and depravity and in human slavery)!

Anyway, Im looking to heal, and face bad things, that I can then face the good ones and get me back!



2. from conception to full reality! My first real conversation with a women I was attracted to! I saw her! and slowly worked my way through the process! several months later, I stood with her after a meeting, eye to eye close up and talked! we are both strangers! Its been slow! and cautious! she is not the only women Im interested in! the point is friendship! the ability to approach and talk to someone! this has required great healing! years of work! No one introduced her to me! I did! And worked it slowly from that point!

Its these type of victories with others that will forge the direction in a positive sense of my future! My future looks bright if I can talk with people!

3. Im a mountain biker! I love bicycles! They proves extremely important to my early recovery work; for various reason! However, a giant dilemma always stood in the way of my bicycle success! City commuting!

Actual commuting in the city with a bicycle is not something that you " lock up your bike"! Actual commuting is about going from point A to point B! Point A; starts out indoors, then heads towards another indoor location; store, friends, work! For some, tavern! What ever it is; the bike remains inside, not outside! If you have a bike worth more then a couple of hundred bucks! You take it inside, you never lock it up!

In reality, those who use bikes on a regular basis and lock them up outside on a regular basis are, drug addicts, those in recovery, and students!

I have been the exception! Im into expensive bikes! And using those bikes for mountain biking is great! However, using these mountain bikes for commuting to meetings and the Gym is horrible! Ive had several bikes stolen!

Now, Im finally accepting reality and getting the city picture of things! Locking a bike is not a reality for me! I must take it in doors! And how can I do this! Simple; I bought a folding commuter bike! A nice one with small wheels! I can fold it and carry it like a bag into the meetings! When the meet Ins are done! I unfold it, set it up in seconds! And Im off to the Gym to do the same thing! No more expensive bikes locked up outside!

IVe locked up bikes over 5000 times in the last 15 years! Thats what it feels like! Im at the point, ive become so brain dead to it! Im actually forgetting to lock the bike; and I don't know it! This last bike I lost; it was stolen because I didn't lock it and I thought I did!

It should be exciting to get my new bike! It will go with my new winter bike cloths!

4. clothing; first time I have ever bought winter clothing for myself! I refused in the past! I was waiting for my mother to come and take care of me! I was a 12 year old inside abandon! and waiting for my mother to show up and buy me cloths! but she never showed up! I worked through some of those years, and was able to move to the independent step of bypassing mother; stepping out, and buying my own stuff and not waiting after 45 years for her to show up! This is a great sign! Its tuff, but it's a great sign of maturity and independence away from the PTSD worlds that in trapped me!

It's a start!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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