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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (962)
Archives
- July 2019
The beginning of chosen reality
   Tue Jul 23, 2019 9:41 pm
Star trek
   Tue Jul 23, 2019 6:04 am
Writing new stories and meeting new people
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 9:25 pm
Can I love a women
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:44 pm
Never being loved
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:12 pm
High School
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:54 am
Things continue to change
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:53 pm
the strange world of getting better did
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 4:36 pm
This is not going to be easy.
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:47 am
Identity 101; so; it officinally begins; the rebuilding
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:25 am
Something positive is happening
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 11:54 pm
The Beatles
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:04 am
A place exists
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:21 pm
Things are changing again
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm
Things are heating up; Im now backing down
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:06 am
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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New Directions

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Jun 24, 2017 6:31 am

So, as I get better, I have to remember that when I was fully dissociative, I was protected! you could hit me with a 2 by 4 and would not feel a thing accept rage or electrical shock; I was so incased within myself beyond numbed out protective walls! How soon I forget who Im dealing with at times! As I wake up, many people are appearing rude! They are appearing worse then rude; and I have to wake up and deal with them! Im learning, I dont have to deal with them; I have to remember, Im an adult and I can ask God for help, to receive assistance in finding people and places and things better suited to the better new me! The old places of recovery working working at times; these places can attract jokers and not people serious about their recovery! Im not suggesting these rooms are all filled with players; but players come n go and it puts a negative spin on things! I have to remember to stop playing the working; I dont have to be a victim anymore! I have to learn how to not be one; I have the choice today!
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Looking forward to recovery breakthroughs! Im getting close to being free or the first segments of freedom concerning dissociative disorder and my inability to get physically close to people! I tell people about my victimhood over n over; exposer therapy! seems to be victim; its very slow!
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Opening up to other people; to women! ITs not easy, not at all! it takes pure fear; Im so worried that Im not enough; that I will be laughed at and dismissed!
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walking up to women; I feel like such a victim! I give all my power away as if they are all worthless and ready to attack! this wont work if your interested in finding relationships because it wont work! I have to open up; take more chances around women; im more scared then they are! Im not sure why I got a grudge against them or a chip on my shoulder about them! I dont think its real; but Im trying everything I can to make it real and keep that chip; and its not working! I think its fear and being un-comfortable! I dont trust women; I never have! for good reason! but what about the women I can trust! Thats the problem; it takes courage to step out and find them! It really does! its a scary deal; Ive made mistakes with people in my life; big ones! when young; everything was wrong! I was being manipulated and never knew it! and hated by everything and everyone around me and never knew it! I was led to believe I was in a safe life and a safe house with a safe experience; nothing could have been further from the truth! soon I would be thrown out or given away! So, I trust no one! Thats the old story!
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The new story is; I do trust people and I do give them a chance and Im working with the Universe and God to be around the right people! and I cant give up on this desire! and I wont; I have to keep fighting for it that much more; their is sadness and pain surrounding this desire; but I not dropping the desire; Im dropping the sadness and the pain; However, this will take time and work!
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The goal is a social break through! Im looking to break through from the C-PTSD controlling me and triggering me when up to close to people; the way Im fixing this now; take chances up close with people and see what happens! I have to get used to people again up close; and trusting people up close!
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Expectations are resentments looking to happen! when I dont expect anything from someone, Im not hurt when things dont work out! so; I have to really look at why, in some situations, I allow myself to have expectation of people I know cant live up to my standards!
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I was born into abusers! and I have to remember that feel safe around unsafe people; and I get what I get when Im around unsafe people!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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