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Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1145)
- January 2021
The social; or new social begins
   Fri Jan 22, 2021 11:41 pm
I cant be friends with women
   Fri Jan 22, 2021 9:51 am
friendships... Is that what women wanted?
   Fri Jan 22, 2021 1:30 am
Problems with women I guess? My problems ?
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 10:44 pm
Stuff about sex; and not allowing sex
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 8:48 pm
Connecting the 2 halves
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 6:00 am
Now Im starting to get it
   Thu Jan 21, 2021 3:35 am
I could not compete because of my avoidant behavior
   Tue Jan 19, 2021 4:48 am
keep working at it
   Mon Jan 18, 2021 4:17 am
Wake up! Trying to become present
   Sun Jan 17, 2021 7:48 am
Planning life as an AVPD
   Sat Jan 16, 2021 7:24 am
Another break through
   Fri Jan 15, 2021 4:51 am
bulling and apologizing
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:17 pm
My work; to get up close in my imagination
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:17 am
Get right with God; God is saying
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 1:02 am
The message about the sociopath
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 2:24 pm
Moving forward
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 4:53 am
Beginning to move forward
   Fri Jan 08, 2021 5:11 pm
Im alone again; things are changing.
   Thu Jan 07, 2021 10:17 am

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New changes

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Sep 23, 2019 7:51 am

Much like a ww2 battle; Im past the middle sections of the battle; Im beyond the middle; I still have a whole war to fight; a whole battle to finish; but Im solidly over the middle. Im past the middle line. What does that mean; it means Im ignorant. I dont know anything; Im blind going down a path Ive never gone down; Im blind to it; I dont have any experience at it; nothing. I mean nothing; Im blind to it; naive to it; have no idea what it feels like and can't use my imagination; I have no idea; Im closed minded in this area.
I have to experience what it is like to get help for something; much help until Im done with it. What is it like to get help for something over on over and finish it. What am I saying. My point is; Im working toward something and finishing by getting lots of help. And Ill be doing this for a long one time and thats what counts.
Im learning that its ok to finish by way of getting allot of help to learn the game to finish. This will take work.
I have allot to learn on how to grow; Im not sure what growth will look like this next year for me; we will see....
Im getting better; getting stronger; becoming the person I wanted to become again; I was someone when I was 8 years old. I had a fluke occur; Ive written about it before. I was neglected and in the process of being destroyed; but I did something strange; In the first grade I reached out to a kid and I invited me over to his house; from then on; become friends and I spent most of my time at his house. However, this would not last and it would start to crumble at some point because no one was looking after my schooling; nothing; no one cared about anything concerning me; my future or schooling; nothing.
So; at the age of 5 years old; I reached out to this kid. I spent the next few years around his family and doing things with him; I was rarely home. And I had a great time. By the time I was 8 years old; I was all over the neighborhood and knew everyone; I would go to peoples adult parties and hang out and I would go to my friends for dinner and movies and stay overs and stuff.
I had my own world. No one knew about it accept me. I would go ice skating every Friday night at the Ice skating rink.
I had plans; big plans; no one knew about them; nothing.
Im now in the process of getting that kid back and starting from where he was at age 8; and its working; I dont know how long it will take to open up the protective parts of me; all of them; their are several; Im not sure; but its happening; I believe it will be a journey in itself when it starts.
I have allot of things to do and explore; explore at the age of 8 and onward; crafts n plays and science and speaker meetings put on at the colleges; many things; music creation and performance. Lots n lots of stuff; acting in plays; many things; go-carts; lots of stuff.
So; my life is opening up is what this is all about. The journey of opening it up. Im not the one opening it up; God is opening it up. Its a journey opening up.
Id like to say more.
I looking forward to or wondering what's next. Or; how do I get to the next level; thats what Im wondering; what books do I read.
A next step of development; thats what Im looking for. I have old tapes to work through; 7th grade; that was a horrible nightmare; I have that to work through; we will see; much rewriting of that time period is needed; I was given away by that time; no more mother or father. Horrible nightmare... all of it; brutal horrible nightmare. I was extremely damaged. severely damaged.
Meditation is extremely important. It aligns me with my inner being and that takes me down the right pathway. writing is exceptionally important.
A place resides in me from my childhood that needs to be completed; more then that but not more then that; I needs to be completed and I think it will be; its got that extra foundation ive been working on and its showing; the strength; but something is missing; what is missing?' well; what is missing will have to show up down the pathway; thats what's important. I have to keep at it; keep working at things; skipping rocks on the lake; creating rock paintings for halloween. Creating haunted house pictures. keep working with video games.
Im actually getting somewhere with video games; finally; Im learning that its OK that I dont know anything and I need help; lots of it; and thats ok to finish a game right now with lots of help; as I get better Ill need less n less help; Ive never finished a game before and Im going to... Im getting close to finishing he one Im on now.
Im getting a xbox next; but its one game at a time; we will see.
And the xbox is not the first thing Im going to do; its way off base in the future; first I must take care of stuff that happened at my house as a boy; the stuff I loved to look at and watch and play with; still much work to be done in that time period as a boy; I have to re experience it and let it sink and in and feel it. And then go from their; go from my neighborhood.
So; where do I go from here; that is a good question; how about meditation. I can't go wrong with meditation because it gets me in touch with my inner being and my inner being knows where Im going.

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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