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OMNICELL
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Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1025)
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- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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New changes

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Sep 23, 2019 7:51 am

Much like a ww2 battle; Im past the middle sections of the battle; Im beyond the middle; I still have a whole war to fight; a whole battle to finish; but Im solidly over the middle. Im past the middle line. What does that mean; it means Im ignorant. I dont know anything; Im blind going down a path Ive never gone down; Im blind to it; I dont have any experience at it; nothing. I mean nothing; Im blind to it; naive to it; have no idea what it feels like and can't use my imagination; I have no idea; Im closed minded in this area.
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I have to experience what it is like to get help for something; much help until Im done with it. What is it like to get help for something over on over and finish it. What am I saying. My point is; Im working toward something and finishing by getting lots of help. And Ill be doing this for a long one time and thats what counts.
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Im learning that its ok to finish by way of getting allot of help to learn the game to finish. This will take work.
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I have allot to learn on how to grow; Im not sure what growth will look like this next year for me; we will see....
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Im getting better; getting stronger; becoming the person I wanted to become again; I was someone when I was 8 years old. I had a fluke occur; Ive written about it before. I was neglected and in the process of being destroyed; but I did something strange; In the first grade I reached out to a kid and I invited me over to his house; from then on; become friends and I spent most of my time at his house. However, this would not last and it would start to crumble at some point because no one was looking after my schooling; nothing; no one cared about anything concerning me; my future or schooling; nothing.
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So; at the age of 5 years old; I reached out to this kid. I spent the next few years around his family and doing things with him; I was rarely home. And I had a great time. By the time I was 8 years old; I was all over the neighborhood and knew everyone; I would go to peoples adult parties and hang out and I would go to my friends for dinner and movies and stay overs and stuff.
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I had my own world. No one knew about it accept me. I would go ice skating every Friday night at the Ice skating rink.
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I had plans; big plans; no one knew about them; nothing.
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Im now in the process of getting that kid back and starting from where he was at age 8; and its working; I dont know how long it will take to open up the protective parts of me; all of them; their are several; Im not sure; but its happening; I believe it will be a journey in itself when it starts.
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I have allot of things to do and explore; explore at the age of 8 and onward; crafts n plays and science and speaker meetings put on at the colleges; many things; music creation and performance. Lots n lots of stuff; acting in plays; many things; go-carts; lots of stuff.
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So; my life is opening up is what this is all about. The journey of opening it up. Im not the one opening it up; God is opening it up. Its a journey opening up.
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Id like to say more.
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I looking forward to or wondering what's next. Or; how do I get to the next level; thats what Im wondering; what books do I read.
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A next step of development; thats what Im looking for. I have old tapes to work through; 7th grade; that was a horrible nightmare; I have that to work through; we will see; much rewriting of that time period is needed; I was given away by that time; no more mother or father. Horrible nightmare... all of it; brutal horrible nightmare. I was extremely damaged. severely damaged.
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Meditation is extremely important. It aligns me with my inner being and that takes me down the right pathway. writing is exceptionally important.
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A place resides in me from my childhood that needs to be completed; more then that but not more then that; I needs to be completed and I think it will be; its got that extra foundation ive been working on and its showing; the strength; but something is missing; what is missing?' well; what is missing will have to show up down the pathway; thats what's important. I have to keep at it; keep working at things; skipping rocks on the lake; creating rock paintings for halloween. Creating haunted house pictures. keep working with video games.
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Im actually getting somewhere with video games; finally; Im learning that its OK that I dont know anything and I need help; lots of it; and thats ok to finish a game right now with lots of help; as I get better Ill need less n less help; Ive never finished a game before and Im going to... Im getting close to finishing he one Im on now.
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Im getting a xbox next; but its one game at a time; we will see.
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And the xbox is not the first thing Im going to do; its way off base in the future; first I must take care of stuff that happened at my house as a boy; the stuff I loved to look at and watch and play with; still much work to be done in that time period as a boy; I have to re experience it and let it sink and in and feel it. And then go from their; go from my neighborhood.
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So; where do I go from here; that is a good question; how about meditation. I can't go wrong with meditation because it gets me in touch with my inner being and my inner being knows where Im going.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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