Ive spent months talking and writing about deeper principles; things I would like to find in a soulmate. ive been attempting to express myself concerning them; loyalty being the most important and others like safety, trust, submission to God and the truth; Obedience to God and alignment and my inner being... and to the truth... stuff like that. If I want that in others I have to not only have it I must feel it. and im working on that. However, a strange thing is happening. My goal is a soulmate wife and a family. Im not sure yet what that looks like or how it will come about. My mental condition causes great social problems. Avoidance and dissociation/flashbacks; not liking myself around others; not feeling worthy; are a daily set of challenges.
.
Something new is happening concerning how to get a wife; Let's see; I told myself to set it as a goal; also to work with God/universe on it. I told the universe to bring me the plans for my wife to find me; that I attract her. universe; teach me what I need to be as a man to be with a wife and a family. " universe" " what's my next step learning about loyalty; how do I become loyal... what does it feel like to be loyal.
.
So; what is happening to me right now. Im starting to wake up and Im better at making decisions; and that is strange? I never thought about it happening because of the work im doing; but if Im awake and can make decisions in reality; im better able to ask someone out because ive decided to; and it takes some of the fear out of it. I have great fear dealing with women. But im strangly getting better; stronger; more confident... and better able to make decisions. However, its just starting; I will watch where it takes me.
.