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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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negative thinking!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Mar 30, 2016 6:19 pm

Im on my own; one might say!

I have my brokenness, reality, Un reality, Goals! And negative thinking, and positive thinking!

It's a mind thang!

I got my hurt from the past! Its about relationships!

I got a few names that Godda go! ' My BROTHER"! He must go! He's not a brother! So, I have allot of work to get him out of my subconscious and nervous system and arms and legs and body! My nervous system carries things; memories of people and the past, all over my body!

I had no brothers when growing up! I was attached to a TV set and the dreams it through at me! I put my arms around my TV set and never let go! I wanted the dreams it had to offer! SO, I saw great Family TV shows and wanted the same for myself! As I had the same values the TV show implied! So, I created an imaginary world around me! My brothers I would imagine to be good people; older brothers I could look up to! However, thats not what happened! In reality, no one cared about me or my goals and dreams; including my brothers! I meant nothing to them; they did not care if they knew me or ever saw me again! I did not know this when I was a kid!

In reality, I never really knew them or knew who I was playing with when they were playing with me! I never saw them as much as I thought! I look back and realize; altho I was in the same house! I rarely saw them! I just imagined what I should have been like when I did see them! In my imagination! They were my older brothers! And I thought the best of them! And this was wrong! For they were neither human or my brothers! I believe they were already damaged people!

When I was young, I was in a fantasy bond! I was a decent person around the wrong set of people! And I didn't know! I never thought about! When I was talking to these people! I was talking from a specific frequency! They were not!~ they were speaking back to me from a much lower frequency! A frequency so low, I did not recognize its implications of who I was talking with!

The point is; evidence will prove that he was no friend of mine! In his mind! I did not exist! And I had no importance and he probably was never thinking about me; ever! I was not noticed in the house! I thought I was; I was not! And he didn't care either way! He is a stranger and needs to be treated as such!

Mother/brother; sadistic psychopath/sadistic sociopath!

My brother is a combination of my mother and father! He is a sadistic sociopath! My father was a narcissistic sociopath; my mother a sadistic psychopath! For my brother to survive, he become like both parents! And began acting out on me! My parents acted out on me; so he acted out on me to get their favor!~ specifically my mothers favor! They have a symbiotic relationship! They both live of each other for their needs! My brother continues to act like he has a real mother! She takes care of him; spends all her money on him and promises him all the land and her house! In reality she feels nothing for him or me!
to her he is an object! Her goal is to have someone take care of her until she dies! She is now old! She does not care who it is that is taking care of her! If he does not do the job! She will pick others and move away! She has threatened to do so! She came back to our small town to live because my brother was easier to work with when taking care of her! He is just and object; no love! She is a psychopath! The more my brother was around her, the worse he got!

They stole my land when I was mentally ill; I signed papers and gave it away! I thought that it was in my best interests because I was on SSi! However, later I realized I had been manipulated again by a psychopath! This was land left to me by my Grandmother! But it is gone now! My mother has it and will give it to my brother the sociopath! And thats how it works! And that is why one need not ever go around these type of scum! They are dangerous!

Why did my mother get my land! What were her motivation! Simple! She was never capable of turning me into her object! She could not turn me into an object! When the psychopath cannot manipulate you! They turn on you in contempt and try to either destroy you or get rid of you! They have nothing but a deep set hatred for human beings! Real humans like me! They will strip you of everything they can get their hands on! Age means nothing! they will destroy a child!

So, what do I do?; I get a good relationship with God and a good 12 step group, a good therapist! And get the hell out of there! Do I try to collect money they stole or land! Hell no! Get out!

IF God wants my land back! He'l get it back! My job is to become independent and never go back ever! And that is whats happening in my reality these days!

Forgiveness; So, forgiveness is the most important thing you can learn! How to I get rid of these people from my life! Simple; forgive them over n over, so much that they are erased from my subconscious! To the point I do not remember them! Turn, get goals, get a new life with my own needs met! And get out of there and never go back around those demonic monsters ever again and forget them; it's not worth it! forget about ever remembering a day with them! let it go; get better days with the people you love and the life you dreamed about! create my own reality!

The base of my thinking is corrupted by the negative rage PTSD created by knowing and being infiltrated by these pathological monsters! In order to have positive thinking; they must go! They must be relieved out of my nervous system and my past! so, Im working on this negative thinking!

The goal is positive thinking; that I may create a clear goal and go after it!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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