Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1107)
Archives
- November 2020
The work is over my head; but thats OK
   Wed Nov 18, 2020 8:35 am
Wont let the people I love into my life...
   Tue Nov 17, 2020 5:45 am
Social and feeling worthy
   Mon Nov 16, 2020 4:21 pm
Loving myself for real
   Fri Nov 13, 2020 5:15 pm
Moving onward
   Fri Nov 13, 2020 1:29 pm
And her vision keeps getting closer
   Wed Nov 11, 2020 11:19 am
On moving on and creating a new life
   Sun Nov 08, 2020 9:53 pm
Breaking the dating barrier
   Sat Nov 07, 2020 6:22 pm
Back to the drawing board with women
   Thu Nov 05, 2020 2:53 am
Changes are occurring; still isolated and lonely
   Tue Nov 03, 2020 6:13 am

+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Needing my mothers permission

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm

I never had a mother; I assumed when I got older; my mother would be their to support me and this was my greatest downfall; and I thought I would have a father; and that was a complete mistake; their was no one; including no school or friends that were real that cared about me; nothing.
.
I was completely alone. I did not know how to function completely alone with nothing; no support as a child.
.
Im living on fumes; you might say. Like a gas tank out of gas in the middle of know where; what do you do.
Now Im in a position to attempt to bring back self; how; Im stuck at that tender age I was destroyed; but I continue to be frustrated to be that immature; it is an age before girlfriends and money and work and talents; Its a developmental time period; and Im not sure how to develop. Im the same child that had no development and now; as I wake up; what now; what do I do; Im getting hit with bullies again. Im trying to trust the universe and its all repeating as it did when I was a child.
.
I feel like I have to be trained or I can see this is a difficult period; A giant gap exists and it hurts like crazy; and I get pulled into the dark and stuck...
.
I never had a mother so I missed that love you would get to support my ambitions; and I fell through the world; I was 2 young; it was pure abuse; the question now is; what do I do now. And I know the area is; pathways that lead to the next level; it is so dam painful because Im moving through the development area of needing or having to have a mother. so; the development area has to be gone through to a plato I feel safe; a place beyond where Im at and bullies; I have to get past bullies and I dont know how.
.
So; I have to open up pathways to go beyond the limited limits drowning me... its horrible; its like resentments that keep getting of at the 13 floor and I cant go beyond because I cant deal with the pain. Im still dissociative...
.
So; this is going to be painful. All of this; Im trapped; when I attempt to go beyond; I see my mothers face telling me its all for someone better then me and I wont amount to anyone because Im not good enough. I have to get over someone talking to me this way; its sickening. And Im not over it; the 6 year old in me still feels this. And I have to go beyond 6 years old; and Im not sure how...
.
The problem is being alone and needing support; and Im mad because I would like a wife that is supportive and some how I have to work up to that and maybe now that is happening because Im asking for it; And as for the Asian soulmate; I put in to much work for that and was led by my inner being and I dont understand.... But I have to get to a place.
.
.
Music; are? I dont know; science and mathematics; I dont know; Im so ######6 frustrated by everything...

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 1218 times

Who is online

Registered users: Artninja1995, Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Ysheriss