| Psychology and Mental Health Forum | |
https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/neediness_and_fear_and_dating_b-12651_sid-fe0dc59480210ef4824b669e3e54718e.html |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Sat Jan 26, 2019 8:16 pm ] |
| Blog Subject: | Neediness and fear and dating |
When I was 15, I made the mistake of telling my mother about the girl up the street that I liked; I was destroyed; My mother was a psychopath. I was destroyed. This destroyed my ability to ever interact with the public again or be social; massive damaged because her masked were down and the real psychopath was present and; well; I don't have to describe what the psychological bashing was like; I moved away; I left the girl. I left everything. . I could never ever trust opening up to anything or anyone ever again. That was the last incident of many; left me mentally sick. . Im now ready to do it again; to open up to the world; Im 56 years old; Im OK. meaning, " Im Ok". In this case; my age does not reveal much; in this case; Im not old; Im simply 56 and heading outward! Ive been heading outward; Ive been practicing social; but I got damaged; really damaged and dissociative! Certainly, one incident did not create this. However, this one incident when 15 broke me in a sudden way that galvanized the end of my association with that family system; that I was made clear I was not part of. I was a past relic. I would end up around them again and again; but I had no choice; I had no other place to go; I was mentally ill and could not work or establish relationships! Unfortunately; I did not know enough about my condition to stay away from those people; the psychopaths. I learned. . Now; with years of recovery work; Im setting out to open up to the world again; And its not easy; Im disabled by dissociative disorder. . So; Ive learned that I can learn new things and apply what Ive learned in the real world with practice; Practice that helps bust through the PTSD allowing me back into the world again to express myself; However, it takes allot of practice. . Socializing with people can be done. ITs hard work; Im doing it; Ive got allot of negative feelings about myself that come up; I don't listen to it because Ive been trained not to; I go forward anyway. And Ive been going forward anyway with an agenda! . Im finding that the studying Im doing for interacting with others is giving me the skills to stand before others and make mistakes; I can banter out of those mistakes using skills. Small talk skills are essential to socialization. . I do not want to come across creepy to women; I can seem creepy to women because of my defensive background; So; I learn the right skills that work and practice them; that I dont look or act creepy. . As for dating; well; Girlfriends of any age; meaning older then 30 and beyond; any age; require small talk. So their it is. . Problem; losing weight; sucks; when I was in my 20's I could not gain weight. When in my 40's I could nock off weight within 2 weeks easy; late 40's, started to have problems; 50's year 50's; possible! after 55; well well well; my o my; isn't this fun! Im looking at 4 months! Im about 25 pounds or 30 pounds out; I know how to loose weight; I was athletic in my younger life; However, nothing sucks worse then spending 4 months on a bicycle several hours a day routinely boringly tossing weight; Its like a 2 hours meditation session every day regardless; and It takes months of work. Also, my food choices stop abruptly. However, it must be done. If Im going to date; got to get back to 170 pounds; just have to. |
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