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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (917)
Archives
- June 2019
going to meetings; Yuk
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 3:55 am
social is coming back; but its slow and about thinking
   Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:00 am
intimacy 3
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 11:26 am
1966 and 50 years later; or 50 years to late?
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 4:29 am
Coping with what has happened to me in this life
   Mon Jun 24, 2019 1:43 am
Visualizations
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:27 pm
Talents and development
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:39 pm
Money and women
   Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:19 pm
women and shame
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 5:53 am
Music creating; blocked
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:46 am
Im getting very close
   Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:25 am
Its hard when you were never loved.
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 5:29 pm
Things are changing
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 6:08 am
Cant finish anything I start; cant get started
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 3:36 am
Social isolation; social uphill climb
   Thu Jun 20, 2019 2:25 am
Feeling better inside
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:28 pm
Money
   Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:38 am
An interest in the arts
   Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:39 am
Social
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:32 pm
intimacy 2
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 4:02 pm
intimacy
   Mon Jun 17, 2019 10:51 am
Identity overwhelmed
   Sun Jun 16, 2019 10:22 am
re changing the present
   Wed Jun 12, 2019 3:45 pm
Working out of it; the struggle continues
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 4:14 pm
A new segment of life
   Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:07 am
dealing with life from zero to 18
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:13 pm
Connecting to things in the real world
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 11:53 am
Things are changing
   Mon Jun 10, 2019 4:43 am
I have to believe more
   Sat Jun 08, 2019 10:24 pm
liking myself and dating
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 8:46 pm
Dissociation
   Thu Jun 06, 2019 4:58 pm
Love
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:05 pm
Purpose
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 7:27 pm
Happiness
   Tue Jun 04, 2019 11:04 am
bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 8:03 pm
Bulling and meditation and connection and...
   Sun Jun 02, 2019 5:57 am
Childhood reconnection;
   Sat Jun 01, 2019 4:26 pm

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Neediness and fear and dating

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Jan 26, 2019 8:16 pm

When I was 15, I made the mistake of telling my mother about the girl up the street that I liked; I was destroyed; My mother was a psychopath. I was destroyed. This destroyed my ability to ever interact with the public again or be social; massive damaged because her masked were down and the real psychopath was present and; well; I don't have to describe what the psychological bashing was like; I moved away; I left the girl. I left everything.
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I could never ever trust opening up to anything or anyone ever again. That was the last incident of many; left me mentally sick.
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Im now ready to do it again; to open up to the world; Im 56 years old; Im OK. meaning, " Im Ok". In this case; my age does not reveal much; in this case; Im not old; Im simply 56 and heading outward! Ive been heading outward; Ive been practicing social; but I got damaged; really damaged and dissociative! Certainly, one incident did not create this. However, this one incident when 15 broke me in a sudden way that galvanized the end of my association with that family system; that I was made clear I was not part of. I was a past relic. I would end up around them again and again; but I had no choice; I had no other place to go; I was mentally ill and could not work or establish relationships! Unfortunately; I did not know enough about my condition to stay away from those people; the psychopaths. I learned.
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Now; with years of recovery work; Im setting out to open up to the world again; And its not easy; Im disabled by dissociative disorder.
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So; Ive learned that I can learn new things and apply what Ive learned in the real world with practice; Practice that helps bust through the PTSD allowing me back into the world again to express myself; However, it takes allot of practice.
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Socializing with people can be done. ITs hard work; Im doing it; Ive got allot of negative feelings about myself that come up; I don't listen to it because Ive been trained not to; I go forward anyway. And Ive been going forward anyway with an agenda!
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Im finding that the studying Im doing for interacting with others is giving me the skills to stand before others and make mistakes; I can banter out of those mistakes using skills. Small talk skills are essential to socialization.
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I do not want to come across creepy to women; I can seem creepy to women because of my defensive background; So; I learn the right skills that work and practice them; that I dont look or act creepy.
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As for dating; well; Girlfriends of any age; meaning older then 30 and beyond; any age; require small talk. So their it is.
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Problem; losing weight; sucks; when I was in my 20's I could not gain weight. When in my 40's I could nock off weight within 2 weeks easy; late 40's, started to have problems; 50's year 50's; possible! after 55; well well well; my o my; isn't this fun! Im looking at 4 months! Im about 25 pounds or 30 pounds out; I know how to loose weight; I was athletic in my younger life; However, nothing sucks worse then spending 4 months on a bicycle several hours a day routinely boringly tossing weight; Its like a 2 hours meditation session every day regardless; and It takes months of work. Also, my food choices stop abruptly. However, it must be done. If Im going to date; got to get back to 170 pounds; just have to.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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