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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1005)
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- August 2019
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Neediness and fear and dating

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Jan 26, 2019 8:16 pm

When I was 15, I made the mistake of telling my mother about the girl up the street that I liked; I was destroyed; My mother was a psychopath. I was destroyed. This destroyed my ability to ever interact with the public again or be social; massive damaged because her masked were down and the real psychopath was present and; well; I don't have to describe what the psychological bashing was like; I moved away; I left the girl. I left everything.
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I could never ever trust opening up to anything or anyone ever again. That was the last incident of many; left me mentally sick.
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Im now ready to do it again; to open up to the world; Im 56 years old; Im OK. meaning, " Im Ok". In this case; my age does not reveal much; in this case; Im not old; Im simply 56 and heading outward! Ive been heading outward; Ive been practicing social; but I got damaged; really damaged and dissociative! Certainly, one incident did not create this. However, this one incident when 15 broke me in a sudden way that galvanized the end of my association with that family system; that I was made clear I was not part of. I was a past relic. I would end up around them again and again; but I had no choice; I had no other place to go; I was mentally ill and could not work or establish relationships! Unfortunately; I did not know enough about my condition to stay away from those people; the psychopaths. I learned.
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Now; with years of recovery work; Im setting out to open up to the world again; And its not easy; Im disabled by dissociative disorder.
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So; Ive learned that I can learn new things and apply what Ive learned in the real world with practice; Practice that helps bust through the PTSD allowing me back into the world again to express myself; However, it takes allot of practice.
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Socializing with people can be done. ITs hard work; Im doing it; Ive got allot of negative feelings about myself that come up; I don't listen to it because Ive been trained not to; I go forward anyway. And Ive been going forward anyway with an agenda!
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Im finding that the studying Im doing for interacting with others is giving me the skills to stand before others and make mistakes; I can banter out of those mistakes using skills. Small talk skills are essential to socialization.
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I do not want to come across creepy to women; I can seem creepy to women because of my defensive background; So; I learn the right skills that work and practice them; that I dont look or act creepy.
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As for dating; well; Girlfriends of any age; meaning older then 30 and beyond; any age; require small talk. So their it is.
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Problem; losing weight; sucks; when I was in my 20's I could not gain weight. When in my 40's I could nock off weight within 2 weeks easy; late 40's, started to have problems; 50's year 50's; possible! after 55; well well well; my o my; isn't this fun! Im looking at 4 months! Im about 25 pounds or 30 pounds out; I know how to loose weight; I was athletic in my younger life; However, nothing sucks worse then spending 4 months on a bicycle several hours a day routinely boringly tossing weight; Its like a 2 hours meditation session every day regardless; and It takes months of work. Also, my food choices stop abruptly. However, it must be done. If Im going to date; got to get back to 170 pounds; just have to.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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