Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1753)
Archives
- March 2024
Starting to show First Signs of breaking away from individuals o
   Tue Mar 19, 2024 5:55 am
Seeing green when its Red...
   Tue Mar 19, 2024 3:49 am
A gift from God #2
   Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

+ February 2024
+ January 2024
+ December 2023
+ November 2023
+ October 2023
+ September 2023
+ August 2023
+ July 2023
+ June 2023
+ May 2023
+ April 2023
+ March 2023
+ February 2023
+ January 2023
+ December 2022
+ November 2022
+ October 2022
+ September 2022
+ August 2022
+ July 2022
+ June 2022
+ May 2022
+ April 2022
+ March 2022
+ February 2022
+ January 2022
+ December 2021
+ November 2021
+ October 2021
+ September 2021
+ August 2021
+ July 2021
+ June 2021
+ May 2021
+ April 2021
+ March 2021
+ February 2021
+ January 2021
+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Need to keep writing

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Feb 02, 2014 1:39 am

Its important to keep writing and dumping stuff. I have no one to communicate with! It sucks, its the way it is. Ive learned to write blogs in the place of silence. Possibly at some time in the future I will be around the right people.

I went through so much #######4 trauma as a boy that was unneeded. I was being twisted around by a sociopath! I have to remember this. Its so sad to see the memories that are appearing in my head. And those memories are showing up; they are starting to show up. they are trying to piece together that I can have a life.

I have many broken worlds trying to come together. Its very hard. And many worlds are split into!

Im attempting to join fragments. ITs tuff. I have very little people to work with that care. Ive been alone all of my life. And I do not understand this. I am of quality yet, no one to associate with? why!

What kind of place do I live. What kind of place is this? Does the quality of a person matter. I guess not! However, Im heading in this direction; the right direction!

Quality people! that is what I need. Im not sure what that looks like or where I find it.

Ive been around people that have tried to destroy me! did not care if they ever saw me again! I would like this not to happen again. I would like to be around decent people!

First I have to wake up as a person! I have to get my life back! How do I do this!

Im somewhere in the middle of things...

Im trying to reconnect with self! its all very hard!

This is hard work; lonely work; necessary if I am to survive or get back on my feat. And I think that might be possible, but it is going to be devastating hurt. I lost everything and everyone!

-------
I have a bottle neck; this is the dissociative area. When young I went to sleep! It was the only way. Im going to wake this up again! and come out of this coma! open up the bottle neck that has the younger me inclosed in it! Its like being in a womb. A womb of a protective source created by the system protective alter. Sad is; this is the second me that was wombed! The first was in the early beginning of my life between 0 and 3. Its so horrible, all of this. And I do not know how to get at the second womb of myself. It has to open! and I have to see all that pain and horror and confusion. God must have kept me alive. Him and the alter... Im so alone and I do not understand!

I have to keep working with God! Im close to opening up self! but Im not sure what is going on or how to do this!

I would like to move to the next level; first I have to get through the first one, get past the wall.

-----------
And many people are attempting to control me! and they are really putting down the control now. They do not want me to control or use them or leave. Or they want me to leave. They do not want me waking up, they do not want responsibility for helping me!
-------------

I look at the past and understand more! I was hated. I can't see how it was personal. I was hated because?

I was a nice person and it meant nothing! I was treated with complete hatred and contempt! Totally thrown out!

Contempt at the core; brutality! It was unbelievable. And the people that were suppose to like me, did not like me anymore. I meant nothing to them and they moved on, and no one asked if I was OK or how I was. I was treated like an animal.

And Im starting to address this; talk about it! and Im starting; Right at the beginning of the beginning of the beginning. I can feel it! Im very close.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 17039 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Majestic-12 [Bot]