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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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Names that have to go!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Dec 20, 2016 8:29 am

Brother
Mother
Best friend from the past!

As horrible has it is, to render a child useless by breaking them from relationships; thus it is!

I was a child, and a very nice one! and I still am a nice one; a nice person! a decent real person! However, I was taken! meaning, suckered! I was conned! and three names remain! and they must disappear from the vocabulary! For all are lies!

The names give hope for most; but not for me! for they are lies! their is no mother or brother or best friend! the actual people playing these roles are dangerous frauds! I was innocent; they were not! its as simply as simple is! I was innocent walking into the world of bad people! murder's, some of them! I was destroyed! Im now attempt to wake up from that distraction!

I have good training guides for waking up! Meaning, I have a recovery process in place for waking up! I have success based thinking process, such as those based on " Think and Grow Rich; the best general book for studying how to have success! And Law of attraction coaches on youtube! And other success based coaching!

Ive been involved in general recovery for years! 12 step recovery! I have therapists and things!

So, Im now slowly coming out of it; the mental illness parts of things! I have support! Im not over the conditions! Im slowly working my way out of the illness!

The outside world is a hard gruesome place! I don't know what to think of society! it terrifies me! it sickens me and makes me sick! all of it! I see no freedom; nothing!

The success based coaching is to teach me how to think positive and not negative! negative might be real or right! but it does not have to be apart of my life; negative does not bring happiness! the freedom to express negative brings me happiness! but I have to be happy first, not broken!

The point is; getting my pain out is good! However, then what?! Then I need to move on! The idea is to change my thoughts! I have the thoughts of a child from the time of a child! and this is OK; however, Im not living in the same place or time! and so, I must change! Im trying to do that! I don't want to break the heart of this child anymore! this child has been ruined and destroyed by psychopaths! The child in me can take no more authority control; nothing! I can hardly stay present when Im around authority of any kind!

The next big move for me is to get rid of the following memories; mother, brother, best friend! it all must be changed within me! my best friend is the one that had to change and I must turn toward God! for their was no best friend! their was no friend! Im not sure what was going on at the time! I came to my own conclusions! Many pre problems existed before I met this person! I was wrong; I made a mistake! I was walking into the face of evil! I was innocent and did not see it coming! Now, Im attempting to come out of denial to never think about this person ever again! I saw him has my brother or best friend; closer then a brother! he was not! he was a fake! he did not see me as a real friend! he saw me as an inferior and nothing more; he spent time with me because he was bored or finished with his school work or in-between his school work or other stuff! I had no idea I was not wanted or liked! As soon as he, and his family realized I was not upper middle class! I was slowly being pushed out! I had no idea! Now I know better! I had no one on my side! I gave my innocent friendship to this person! it was used and exploited! nothing more! I was hated with contempt! these people; him, his family! they were never any friends of mine! I did not know! I feel so very bad about it! but I did not know! Now, Im trying to get rid of the memories of anyone like this guy or anyone else that I remember! he was a huge part of my young life! normally, most do not have to remember someone and get rid of their memories! I have to; I was judged to death by this person because he was my enemy and not my friend! Im not sure what he was doing around me! I know his mother wanted her son to be socialized! and thought that I would play this role until they got rid of me! I didn't know this! I thought he was my friend! he was not!

What I didn't know; I was not part of a neighborhood that he belonged to! he was of the rich! I was of a neighboring house hold! I was not of his neighborhood, altho I lived close! he was actually on the rich side of the street! I did not know what this meant as a small child! I would later find out the unfortunate meaning of this! These were not my friends! they meant nothing to me! I was using them to bet well! to have a place to go! to live! to live my life! They found out! and kicked me out! kicked me to the curb! I was just trying to survive! I was giving them a chance to prove themselves to me; see if I would let my walls down and believe that I had real friends! and they allowed this to happen, but it was fake! I was fake! they were fake! They were fake because they were the wrong people! they were the wrong people to associate with! I didn't know what I had gotten myself into! they were not friends of mine! they were not nice innocent people! I had no idea what they were! later, I would find out! I did not know what they were! I had no idea! these were not people of God, like they said! they were liars! I did not know this! I was innocent! Rich people of this nature attempt many smooth ways of getting out of things! They act pretentious and attempt to create such a large lie that the world will believe it! I will believe it! but I didn't! and they know their lie was not working on me! it was not real! and they did not like me messing things up! I was not one of them; nor did I understand them! Now I do! and I want no part of it or them; neither does God! they are an abomination to God! I turn toward God for help!

ITs shameful land horrible what happen here with these people; the way I was treated! I didn't know!
My heart broke! Now; Im simply trying to get over it! Im attempting to get the false brainwashing out of my system! Im attempting to see them for the all negative that they are! and never return! I need them gone; out of my life and I will be turning toward God!
-----

My mother; same thing! she must go; out of my life, out of my memories! I will honer the idea of a mother with God! the scum on this earth deserve nothing from me; they were child destroyers! I will not honer them! I will honer God and do as God commands! And God has told me to honer them before they were born; when they were in heaven! I go through God first! God always!

The child in me; the memories! all memories and lies and propaganda dealing with my mother; it all must go! this person was no human being or a person; this was a psychopath, nothing more! this was an imposter! their was no mother! and I must get to a point of seeing all past situations as this! I must if Im to survive and get better! I need my real life back!

My childhood is one giant lie! all of it, not some of it! all of it; including neighborhood, friends, schooling, father figure, family idea, members of that family system! or what ever its called! those in charge! all things were of no value; they were all strangers! nothing was as it seemed! it was all a lie! all of it! and I must see it for the negative it is! it was a horrible mistake and nightmare and disaster; all of it! I had no one; and I had no friends! and no schooling! it was all a disaster; the minute I was born into these creeps, it was a disaster! the town I lived in was a disaster for me! At the time I liked it because I thought I was safe; because of that genuine safety, I began to allow myself to dream! and so I spent my time with my walls down! I thought I was in a safe environment! I was not! I did not know! I was round the most ruthless worthless people on earth! all of it; including the neighborhood and school! and I did not know what kind of hornets nest I had gotten myself into! I did not know nor understand until it was 2 late! the whole thing turned into a nightmare!

It matters not why; it was all do the psychopaths! everything from the beginning is about them; they caused all direct and indirect problems! and Im attempting to get them out of my nervous system, my mind, my soul, my thoughts, everything, and start over!

Im a decent person! My God, am I the only one out here in society! Ive been attacked in many ways over n over n over! its been insane! Im attempting to get rid of these people from my thinking because they destroyed me when young! and I would like to do with my life as I will! and first, all influence by these people must stop! they are controlling my thinking! They are not real, never were!

Im attempting to have success based thinking and do not want their influence ruining it! I was brainwashed into thinking I was worthless and no good! and this is causing limited thinking and keeping me from waking up! Im attempting to change this! So, I can wake up and make plans for my future!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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