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OMNICELL
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My parent are the middle gap! must...........?

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Nov 05, 2017 2:41 am

I must let go into the hands of God very very slowly! Only if the child in me is being fed continuously or it will put him into shock!
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Im slowly learning!
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I have to let go of my parents! I understand now! I was far removed from my parents when born! I was rejected by my father; in the sense that I was just used but didnt know it! I received very little attention; when I did, it appeared to be good attention; it was not; it was intended planned attention by a sociopath! Meaning, it was meaningless, it was as if I was on a street corner and someone came up goofing around with me; but could care less who I was! a complete stranger that was just conversation with no connection! later I will realize he's play acting when Im young; going skiing using his wife money! He will act like its his idea and his money! He's not going skiing to help me ( us) brothers; because sociopaths do not do that! Im going mainly because he has no one to go with; He lives for the moment and off someone else money! its all easy for him; he has no conscious!
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Ive heard of women falling for sociopaths thinking their a soulmate when the sociopath planned and waited like a predator to hook the women; saying everything she wanted to here! He groomed her and sold her a bill a goods that didnt exist! and she falls hook line and sinker for him; total love! but then things go wrong; and the monster appears and shocks the women! and later after therapy she realizes she got taken for a ride by a sociopath! its recommended that she let go of her false feelings for him; for they had to be false! their was never a real person for her to love! so, she must laugh at the whole thing and hurt, or broken, walk away! And its hard for her because she had such deep feelings of love, but he was pretending when they talked and fought! even when they fought she didnt get it! he was not fighting to keep her but to shut her up and use her! she would have never got it; or understood it until she got help and understood she was dealing with a predator.
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Now, You see how hard it is for a women who mistakes a man for a sociopath, is groomed into falling for the sociopath; as he planned or intended! And its hard for this women; she is enchanted by him! but its all lies! and its hard for her to wake up from it!
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Now; imagine the same scenario of above; but your a child and it your dad! your love for your dad is 10 times that of this women from the above paragraph. Your love is not false; its real. What would it be like to that son! Now; add your mother into this; same scenario; only much worse; you were rejected from the beginning and dont understand! later you will so severely neglected or abandon you will be half destroyed from it; no one tells you its coming! and no one cares bout the aftermath of such things!
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The hardest things about being far removed when your young from your parents; you never get to say goodbye to them or care for them or worry about what happens to them or if you could have saved them! You want to try and fix them; but no one exists!
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I never got to say goodbye or have a relationship with my own parents; or any parents!
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I never got to try and save them or rescue them from themselves!
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I never got to fix them or work with them or help them or anything or anyone! and yet, I was forced to abandon my own parents simply because they made it so; and could not be apart of who they ever where! meaning, I never got to experience any of it! Now Im expected to just let go of them and move on; like Im an in human animal with no conscious! ridiculous! Yet, Im getting close to the point of doing that!
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I know that source energy can bring me new parents and a new life! and I know source energy of the universe can make me feel secure inside and feel good about myself once again; now that I understand my parents! ( I dont like to call them my parents; they were not my parents; I never met my parents).
The sick part is; their were no parents; ever! I was use by these people very young so they could play house and have a bit of fun and then they were gone!
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Talents; Im a very talented smart person with no development! nothing! Now that Ive been able to wake up a bit, I see that its normal for talented people to pursue their talents! Im all confused by this! I thought I was no good and should bury them!
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I read where throw away kids; disposable children purposely removed and rejected by their mothers. many times of have caught to erase themselves! thats what I did! and many times they kill them selves! And I was one of them; I did not expect this! it tore my view of life apart! I did not develop correctly or understand what your suppose to do! Is it ok for me to develop!
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I was watching this Female drummer; famous! and I thought! she got to develop when young! and she looks very happy! was this suppose to be me behind the drums; Im a male, Im not suggesting Im wanted to be female; I would rather sleep with them! The point is; if things had not been so bad; how were they suppose to turn out! what direction was I suppose to go in! what would it have felt like!
What would it have felt like if I had not been thrown away! what was I suppose to do or be or act like! what am I suppose to act like now! its all very confusing when one comes from a developmentally backward situation!
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I can write all this stuff down and ask source energy of the universe about all of it! and the universe has got my back!
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So, Im learning to walk on and let go of my mother and father that I never had!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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Re: My parent are the middle gap! must...........?

Permanent Linkby Tornman on Mon Nov 06, 2017 3:17 am

I can relate to your feelings of what if. I too keep asking how I would have turned out if I didn't grow up the way I did. That is what hurts me the most I think. You can't go back and get a 2nd chance. We have been dealt the hand we are playing. Looking for some positive take comfort in knowing you are not alone.
Tornman
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