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My mother destroyed my sexual development!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri May 13, 2016 1:19 am

My mother destroyed my sexual development! Unfortunately, when I was older, after the age of 10; I was forced to live with relatives; I was prod'd and sexually chased or harassed or inappropriately touched; later being raped! And later, I fooled around with animals when 13 years old! Many cats! Sometimes dogs! I had no attention and I was in shock and freaked out and being tortured by all of this! I had no home anymore with no explanation and all things gone, now Im being raped and psychologically abused! And I have nowhere to run! What do you expect a 12 year old boy to do!

I do not care that my mother was giving me to the person that probably created her into a sadistic psychopaths! They all need to be taken to the town square and killed! Burned alive and gotten rid of! All of them!

The point is; after this; I moved back in with my mother to get away from being sexually abused! unfortunately, I did not understand that the person I was moving in with caused all this in the first place and knew what was going on and probably planned it that way! and I was thrown away! she did not expect me to travel clear across the state to find her and live with her; she had already worked her way into manipulating yet, another family! and their was no room for her previous throw aways!

However, she worked for the state! And could not say no! She simply had to keep up appearances!

When I lived their; I had no confidence in myself, and all my sexual capability was raped the retarded and mutilated; psychologically! And emotionally! My sexual understanding was of no interest; I just wanted a family and wanted to be loved! I did not understand what was going on! I had no duplicate family to run to; their was no one! I was completely alone in the world! I was thrown away in all directions!

Anyway! I tried to date at times and meet girls and I did fall in love with one girl up the street! But to no purpose! I could not fully respond! I shut down; PTSD and the beginning of dissociative disorder! And I was of a stunted growth and very mentally weak!

I had girls over the house, but my mother would go into a rage as if I was her object, and no other was to touch her property! I was not human to this mad degenerate idiot! I was an object! And she was not going to share what was hers! She had control and wanted this object dead and stupid and raped and totally controllable by her!

I had to have girls come into through windows and leave through the windows! It was ######6 strange and sickening!

Then one day I made the big mistake! I was in the car getting a ride and I told my mother about my feelings for this girl up the street! What I got was a complete sadistic psychopath! I got a horrified grueling sickening message and abuses rant! I cannot describe it! It was inhuman! It went through every personal boundary I had as a human being! It was like being molested by words! And worse; tortured by them! What they implied! pure sadistic abuse rant!

What did my mother do; she crossed all human rights and boundaries with her words; as if I had no human boundaries! As if I was nothing more then a piece of wood! It was so hideous, that it freaked me out so much, knowing what she was! And realizing what she was, I left the area and came back to my home town! I was so messed up from this experiences! And it got into me! Controlled me! Took advantage of me! Horrible! I felt like I been raped by the intent of this maniac! It destroyed my ability to feel safe! I was horrified! And sickened and needed to get out of their and never go back! I was truly stuck!

As for the girl up the street; it was over, I was in to much emotional catastrophe! I had to leave! It effects me to this day! Because this thing was not human; this vile angular psychopath! It was like listening to a predator reptile talking; no human quality! I cant describe it! It's not safe! Its like being up close to a giant poisons lizard; and you cant leave! Your in the cage with it breathing down your throat!

The point is; it went through me like a knife and stunned everything in me to the core! I had to leave and never go back around this ever again! As for my development; this was one more knife in the coffin of my development and sexual development with the opposite sex!

Now; of the present; I have mass amounts of PTSD when it comes to getting close to women! most of it is indirect! its not about women; its about my mothers interfering with my development while interacting with women! so, I have allot work to do!


Normal males get around women because they want to make out with them and kiss on them! and its no different for me; but, all was stunted! and Im a few years behind in development!

I will catch up; and when I do; I will be at that place I was at, at age 16 or 15! when I broke from reality again! and left everything behind including the girl I loved! This time, their will be no mother around to destroy everything!

I called the girl many years later and told her how I felt! she just laughed in my face and hung up; she tried to make a fool out of me while on the phone! her fiancé was sitting next to her as she was talking with me; she was mocking me the whole time and playing me; and they were laughing the whole time; at me! I had to tell her how I felt! she simply shunned me as if a fool retard weakling and said; Seeya, hope ya have a nice life" '' click"! and during the phone call; playing the role of stuck up cheer leader talking to someone that worshiped her and never had a chance with her!

When I called, it was honorable and respectable! I truly loved her with all my heart! at any time I could have taken her; I could have married her! but why! describing the phone called above; why would I marry someone like this! its true, I could have taken her back and put her in her place; but what would I have! I said no! I simply called her in great pain! told her the truth about how I felt about her; I loved, her, she was my best friend, and I was in lover with her! and I left it at that! the rest was up to her! and I did not get involved after this; I simply stayed on the phone long enough to tell her how I felt! then got off the phone and never heard from her again! this phone call was 10 years after I had met her! or had seen her!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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