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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1031
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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intimacy 2
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bulling and meditation and connection and...
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Childhood reconnection;
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moving forward through PTSD

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Nov 01, 2017 6:16 pm

My gaol is a girlfriend! What does this mean; it means a real girlfriend; it does not have to be someone I last with for long! It means getting through brutal levels of low self esteem! IT means getting through depersonalization problems from Dissociative disorder; seeing everything as if Im looking through a TV screen; not connected when outside in the 3d world! IT means working through PTSD when it kidnaps my mind from triggering as I get physically closer to others to talk! It means, letting of nervousness when up close next to others; it means practicing a script on others and getting conversation down to an art form!
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When I was younger, I was a throw away! This means people could swing on me or treat me horribly because I was not wanted; no one cared! They did not want me around and they did not want me period! I had no one! I was completely alone in the world in every direction!
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When dealing with people now; Im naturally disagreeing with them, bantering with them a bit; back taking with them a bit; not much! I know the consequences when young! the possibility of violence was not about violence, it was about demoralization! having a parent or step parent swing on me out of hated and or contempt because I was in their house and they didnt love me or want me! However, I found out I was dealing with psychopaths that manipulate weak men into relationships! These weak men were told I was a trouble maker or the enemy! And in reality; I was; I was a decent person and the enemy of the psychopath! I want them all exterminated from this planet! all of them! no questions! all sociopaths and psychopaths must die!
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At this point in time; God does not want me starting any civil wars over psychopaths! He would rather have me buy lego train sets and and create odd track designs!
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Because I was shut down when younger; I have my work cut out for me to understand how to interact with others! Im trying; its very hard to come out of dissociative disorder! Its harder to get up close to people again after being so demoralized by the people in my country!
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The goal is to talk to women again and get a girl friend and experience it! Ive never allowed anyone to get in close to me; most of society is to immature! However, Im changing!
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The main key; I stay out of it and bring God in front of me; ( source energy); and allow source energy to do his work and I stay out of it! this means, I dream and pray about what I want and source energy brings the situation to me and I stay awake to receive it!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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