Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (961)
Archives
- July 2019
Star trek
   Tue Jul 23, 2019 6:04 am
Writing new stories and meeting new people
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 9:25 pm
Can I love a women
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:44 pm
Never being loved
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:12 pm
High School
   Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:54 am
Things continue to change
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:53 pm
the strange world of getting better did
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 4:36 pm
This is not going to be easy.
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 10:47 am
Identity 101; so; it officinally begins; the rebuilding
   Sun Jul 21, 2019 2:25 am
Something positive is happening
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 11:54 pm
The Beatles
   Sat Jul 20, 2019 6:04 am
A place exists
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:21 pm
Things are changing again
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:41 pm
Things are heating up; Im now backing down
   Fri Jul 19, 2019 9:06 am
I have CPTSD
   Wed Jul 17, 2019 4:47 pm
Real changes are occurring
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 10:46 am
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:14 pm
Fining myself or facing myself
   Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:39 pm
Im beginning to understand
   Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:30 pm
Visualizing
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 8:28 pm
Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:15 am
Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 9:55 pm
Dating and Art
   Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:44 pm
movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 10:31 pm
Fear
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 4:34 pm
Ive found some answers
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:41 pm
D.I.D; let me introduce myself
   Sat Jul 06, 2019 12:23 pm
PTSD; dealing with triggers.
   Fri Jul 05, 2019 5:32 am
Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:25 pm
critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Moving forward

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Aug 12, 2016 7:17 am

A very strange thing is happened to me or for me!

Im waking up! And Im almost back to starting place!

I mean it when I say; as a small child I was exited! It at been a few years before! But on Television; The beetles were playing live and I watched them for the first time! And I knew I wanted to be ringo star! The drummer! And suddenly, here I am now!

Im missing 45 years of my life!

Without going into to do much detail! I dissociated out of existence!

At one time I was a drummer! However, if you have a house I could practice in! I was a drummer! But without a place to practice! I had nothing! And could not get a place to practice, so my dreams faded into nothing and I faded into nothing!

I wanted to be an actor when young! However, the house hold I lived in destroyed everyone in the house hold! I was thrown away when I was 1o years old! In fact, I wonder how Im here now!

So, here I am now! Im 54 years old! And Im waking up again as this child! And this is incredible! However, I have no better understanding of how to make this life work then a 7 year old!

Actually I have some plans! Because Im studying success based thinking for wealth! Heres the deal; I have martyr syndrome; bad case of it! And its been a battle busting through it to create new goals for myself that are more dominate stories then the boring limited ones I live today! The goal is to get the focus on those new goals! Thats what Im working towards! Thats what Im fighting for!

Lately, things have been lonely and tuff and confusing!

I worked with God and LOA, and the Universe, did a bunch of soulmate stuff; came up with an Asian soulmate pride as my future choice! Intellectual, creative, sensitive, artistic, supportive of my creative dreams! Ive been visualizing and working on stories with her in them as if we have already met!
I have women I can date now! But they are not my Asian soulmate that God and I worked on! What do I do! I must stick to my plans! Asian soulmate it is! But when? And this is the problem with LOA! What amount of alignment do I have to do! How long will this take! I don't know! Should I date in between this! Should I have sex with 378 women first before I meet my soulmate! I don't know! This is very confusing!
At some point, when you make your goal; you don't drop your standard!

I have to continue to set more goals for myself as I want to live; the standard of life and what I want from it! As a martyr, everything died! So, I had no idea of a standard that was reachable! I thought no standard was reachable, now Im learning different! What do I want!

And in the process of what I want; How long will this take!

The key I face at the moment in goals; where do I start! How do I start taking action! Where is the lighted path I need to see that I may start down it!

The next big move is learning how to see the keys of the lighted paths in front of me and start going down them; even if they are small! For example!; lets say I create a small goal or manifestation within my imagination! I ask the Universe to open a lighted path! I can accomplish this! Its possible! Doable! I might need to start with smaller goals until I can learn how to make them happen first!

All of this stuff takes time! I would rather be in a practice room creating! I wonder if I will ever again be able to do art of any kind! I have no practice room! Im hoping that LOA will help with this! Im hoping I can learn how to make a goal and learn to see a lighted path in front of it that I know the direction to start towards it! This is what Im working with God!

ITs important for me to re learn how to set goals and go after them; all of this was neglected out of me when a child!

If and when I learn this; and trust in the process from beginning to end; this creates a kind of freedom! And Im learning it! Its tuff! My martyr syndrome has been like concrete! Ive become suicidal attempting to break out of it; but I will! And I get stronger every week! Hard earned lonely process!
The goal at this point is to start the process of learning how to recognize lighted trails opening up toward my goals; what they look like!
==============================================

I have no life! Nothing outside the 12 step meetings and the psych places! I have a new therapist!

I have no friends! Nothing! Ive been able to fit but not belong! Ive gotten the recovery ive needed! But not made any real friends along the way! It feels like one giant truck stop!

It matters not concerning my recovery, accept I want to move on and get a real life like everyone else!
=================================================

I wanted to meet more art friends; but with no place to create anything, Im not an artist anymore! I don't know what to do or what to think! I cant believe God would just lead people into this with no way out!

Or leave me in this with no way out! Im working with God for a solution! Im spending my life on never ending uselessness!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 3213 times

Who is online

Registered users: Baidu [Spider], Bing [Bot], birdsong87, cinnamondonuts, cyfur, Exabot [Bot], exul, GKOKD, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, IainEtc, IDeerInHeadlightsI, Jomama, karazure, kepp81, Majestic-12 [Bot], MikeInOk, pepera, rainbow_sprinkles, Robert1971, Son, SoxFan94, Tyler, VioletFlux, WhyDoIExist, xdude