Things can change for me if I want them to. Im not suggesting it's easy to face; I have so many flashbacks and negative thoughts attack me. However, I have a good voice; a voice that is reassuring. the problem is the other part of me that gets scared; and Im hoping to work through that with meditation.
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The point is; with CPTSD; Im starting to understand whats happening; and the voice has been changed; but the visualizes have not been changed. I need new thoughts and to believe them; thoughts of hope and to believe them. I think this is possible.
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I have learned-helplessness and I see thoughts of my childhood and expectations and hope and all is destroyed and I dint want to see that anymore; I want new thoughts to go with my new voice. I am working on it; giving it a chance; I can see possibilities; Im not sure what to work on through this. But Ill try some things. I want to feel safe and free and be myself in the outside world; I can kind of see it now as Im writing. It has to do with how I feel about myself and being inline with myself.
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I want to put out more work concerning CPTSD; getting better; getting over the deeper self hate and hopelessness and I think I can pull this off; my mind is weak tho; so I must train it. I want the future to look bright....
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Im no longer interested in what narcissists were planning against me; to destroy my life; which they were doing all my life; I want them written off and I getting on with my life the way it was. suppose to be. Thats what Im working on and looking for....