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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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movement

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Nov 10, 2015 6:35 pm

When I was young; I was under the idea that I was under someones care! The ideal; see the horror for what it was; and slowly move out of it! Slowly camping along the highway back to recovery!

It's a slow process! Its massive fear and terror and hopelessness that you deal with! It its pure trauma! It scares you to death; to the bone marrow; to go back in and relive it! You were thrown away, your parents are not real, and turn out to be the real monsters you fear; with no hope you will be forgotten and destroyed and given away! Meaning, you have no hope! Your life is over! And the community will help destroy you! And with all gladness and cold smile on their evil faces! They have and you don't! You plead with them for help! They see this as an opportunity to destroy a weak person; and thus get a pat-on-the-back from their friends! Making you out to be a legal scape goat! They realize you are never coming back; they will make sure of this! You were never wanted in the first place! They had contempt for you in the first place! But you never knew! Thats because you were innocent and to this day you remain innocent!

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Its funny how they can convince you that you are less then they are; thats its almost legal for them to do so; to put or aligate you to the lower realms of humanity! As if it's a God given commandment! They feel they are above the laws and almost convince you of it! They are that sure of their arrogance against God and man! They are evil and murderers! Indirect or possibility direct! But they are vermin! Its sickening! its like randomly picking or choosing children out of a line up; and determining who will live and who will be shot that day! and its all based on the whim of some spoiled socialites that have no clue of human dignity or balance!
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I saw a vid of a women talking about a serial killer; a documentary! A women was talking about the serial killers! She was about 35; worked for D.O.C; the cops! She was a police officer! She talked about her ordeal with a real serial killer! She was 17 and walking along the concrete strip in a big city! A truck pulled up next to her and a gentleman jumped out and abdicated her! She sat in the front seat of the truck: the doors were locked! Then; she looked down and saw a large machete next to the driver of the truck as it was speeding away into the night with her in it!

When she looked down to her left and could see this giant 2 foot cutting knife she realized " this was it" " life is over"!
She had been abducted by a real serial killer! He killed at least 10 people! They finally found him!

She was dragged to his house blind folded! She found herself in the shower with him! Blind folded, she quickly befriended him and told him she would be his girlfriend from now on! This through him off! And He didn't know what to do with her! He took advantage of her a few more times! And then took her back to the concrete strip; the popular area of the city and dropped her off! her quick thinking saved her life!

I don't know how many people escape serial killers! She's very lucky to have lived to tell about it!

Here is the point! She was terrified! And when she saw the knife and its size next to her capture; she knew it was over for her; That special feeling you get when your not in control of your life and you can do nothing! you are going to be destroyed and theirs nothing you can do about it!

That feeling of knowing the person next to you is going to do you harm; you instinctively know this when you're dealing with someone that is not on your side or out to help you or help your life or help you survive!

When you know your with a psychopath; when you can see them clearly, you know your life is over!

And thus it was for me as a boy! I knew at a certain point; it was all over for me! My whole life! These sycophants were not going to care what happened to me! I knew this! and I knew the big knife was going to drop on me at some point! however, this knife had many faces! it was not just a sharp blade sitting next to an assailant who was abducting me; as the above story of the 17 year old; this knife was different! this knife was a sexual knife, economic knife, spiritual knife, psychological knife! cultural knife, social knife!

The lack of hope as you see your life being snuffed out! Its horrible! And you have no one to turn to! You realize the people taking care of you are not safe; and you are a captive more then a child that belongs to someone! I did not belong to anyone! That was made very clear! Many horrors were made very clear!

A child knows! They know if your safe! You can smile all you want! If you're a psychopath! They will find out! When they do, they freeze or run!

The psychopath can fool a child completely! I mean completely! They can create a false identity that could fool a lie detector test! They know right from wrong; they don't care, and they are relaxed in feeling it!

I saw a pic of another serial killer! He was smiling with intent! He seemed ambitions and happy! And this was during his trial for killing 70 people! He mowed down half of them with a machine gun! Didn't bother him a bit to mow down 40 people with an automatic weapon! For him; it was machine gun fun!

The worst scenario in the world is knowing you're not safe and have no control to do anything about it! That you are not loved or worth saving! and all your dreams are gone! Its like being taken to an empty field as a child! You are watching the rolling hills go by in the car! you slowly move toward that wide open field in the mountains! Your parents are going to drop you of; take you to the center of that field! And leave you forever! And hurry and get out of their! Run of and never come back! They know exactly what they are doing! Your life; over!

And you know its coming! You know the kind of degenerates you are captive by! You know their is no hope so you disappear into blackness and amnesia!

The local community does not care about you either; your death! it means nothing to them! It's OK that you die that they live as they wish!

So; now you know what communities can be like! All of them! In your struggle before your death in the field! You tried to open up to the community! Instead of helping you! They turned on you like a shark turning to eat its pray! They blinded you with their lies, then blamed you for fictitious lies they created! They ruined your name and tried to make you into a bad person! They pushed you into the negative social status roll and shuffled you out of the building; on your way! They wanted nothing more to do with you; you were a trouble maker! You were disrupting the system because you pleaded for help or expected them to treat you like a human being in trouble for what you were worth! and all of this in grade school! nice place isn't it!

So, evil is everywhere and death is create by this evil!

Psychopaths are dangerous and they are murderers! And communities that protect them are no different!

You might be living in one and are not aware of it!
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So; I had a life and plans as child! Then it was disrupted and I was blanked out and was no more!

The problem is; I have to come back from this ground zero situation; back to my life!

Where is my life! Is it safe on a safe street in a safe neighborhood where I can grow once more; no! Im an adult now, dealing with rude worthless adults all day long! So, it's not safe and no one cares that I was born or concerned about my talents no being used!

But their is hope! more n more!

God is my answer! But its hard! I have to turn to a God that allowed this $#%^ to happen to me in the first place! This is not easy! None of this stuff!

Turning again to unsafe situations! None of this is what I wanted!

Is their hope to regain my life as is! Meaning; Im on my own with no support in this area! Can I change and adapt and do things for myself when I gave up in the past; on the past! Is it possible to go after what I want! Even though I was terrorized and tortured to death!

Is all of this possible?

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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