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Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1136)
- January 2021
Wake up! Trying to become present
   Sun Jan 17, 2021 7:48 am
Planning life as an AVPD
   Sat Jan 16, 2021 7:24 am
Another break through
   Fri Jan 15, 2021 4:51 am
bulling and apologizing
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 9:17 pm
My work; to get up close in my imagination
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:17 am
Get right with God; God is saying
   Thu Jan 14, 2021 1:02 am
The message about the sociopath
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 2:24 pm
Moving forward
   Sat Jan 09, 2021 4:53 am
Beginning to move forward
   Fri Jan 08, 2021 5:11 pm
Im alone again; things are changing.
   Thu Jan 07, 2021 10:17 am

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More past stories!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Aug 27, 2018 8:42 pm

So I had many bully stories I don't want anymore; Im trying to de value them; meaning, de flare them!
First; This guy in 6th or 5th grade; he was a bully that started bulling me when I was in the 5th grade! I hated him; he was worthless! scum filth! He was the school bully through all the years in grade school or junior high or high school!
I never stood up to him! I never had any backing! I was not prepared to stand up to some one; I was a friendly person and never thought I would need to stand up to someone in my own country or living situation! I was not prepared to deal with bullies; I thought schools were for going to school and learning! never thought of them as unsafe!
So; this bully bothered me and traumatized me through later part go grade school and junior high and when I came back to my home town in high school; first time I set foot on that campus; that bully was their to meet me; it destroyed everything! I was in shock and not protected! I could not protect myself; I was not like that yet! I was already wounded from PTsD and other problems; severely and had been thrown away; I was living with a false friend; I was living at this persons house I knew as a child and thought was a friend; I was wrong; he was no friend! Neither was his family; any of them; and they never had been! They were never friends of mine when I was 5 or 6 or 7 our 8 or 9 or any time; nothing! it was all fake; the kid was a rich opportunist! he was no friend of mine! His family; never friends of mine; and no one wanted me at their house; I was 2 young to know! I remember their family and parents talking about me behind my back! but I didn't care; it meant little to me when I was little accept I thought they were crude! Later I would learn the truth the hard way! The mother felt some kind of obligation to help me because she was a christian in the community and thats what they were suppose to do; but their was no love their for me; and I did not know this when young! They would have loved it if I had never stepped food on their property! I did not know this! The kid; I was never a friend of mine! never! it was all a lie! or; as a small child; I made him into my friend within my mind!
Ok; back to the bullies! So; I had no protection! When I was thrown away at the age of 10, I had to move! I had no father and do not remember my brothers! I saw them at times; looking back; I rarely saw them! I didn't realize until I looked back!
I was bullied by one guy I new from grade school! it was a different kind of bulling! he was a friend bully! looking back; I was used for my shoes and other things; thats all! In reality, he was the wrong kind of friend to have! By this time I was pathological to who I was associating with! I was associating with anyone that would take me in! I was living with my Grandparents and being abused!
Another guy in the park; a psycho bully; he threatened me plenty of times in the park when I would play! He would act like he was going to attack me many times; through violence! This was another example of being pushed around; having my rights taken from me! and threatened!
Another time; a guy through me down on the way home from school; he got on top of me! I did not understand!
When I was in the 5th grade; a Mexican kid tried to create a problem between me and him; their never was any problem between us; he was a complete stranger; finally he followed me home and hit me in the face! He was with his sister! When this didn't work; he tired to be friends with me; I just backed away from him; He was a worthless filth coward!
Other kids started to bully me in the 5th grade and many children turned on me that I thought liked me or saw my worth! In reality; I had no worth with anyone; I had no idea this was happening to me or going to happen to me! In fact; in the 6th grade when I returned to my original grade school; kids were Nark-ing me off; getting me in trouble with principle! I was being hacked by one of the sadistic teachers! I was hacked 2 separate times as a trouble maker; but I was never any kind of trouble maker; they had marked me because I had no father to call up and protect myself! they knew this; they knew I was living at my grandmothers house! The point of this; I could do nothing about this! I was being abused by this system!
The other kids in the school; were not my friends; but I did not know!
I had no grades; no way of studying; no home life for it; ever! The whole experience was a lie from the start!
When at a new school in 6th grade; a new bully from that place called squirrel; started to bully me everyday! I do not remember that year; they had to send me back to my home town because I had flunked out of their school! Funny; they never asked what was wrong or who I was or what was going on; nothing! didn't care; it was all a joke and lie; it was all corrupted!
later when I had to move over to the coast with my psychopathic mother and her new family! this would be 2 new ones in 4 years! I would start out ok for the first month; then her new husband bullied me all the time; at one time taking a swing at me when I was 14. I was not wanted their! By the time I was 16; they were tired of feeding me! They didn't want me their!
The school complained to them that I was a bright person but flunking my classes! they did not care!
I was bullied by other psychopaths; many of them; in the school systems! I got nowhere but mentally ill from being in them! I had no rights to protect myself or fight back!
I had no one; I had brothers; one was already showing signs of not being present and being immature and irresponsible! the other had turned or was turning into a sociopath! And so; they were not my friends and did not care who I was or having a relationship with me or what happened to me; I meant nothing to them! I did not spend much time with them! Looking back; they were no friends of mine and had never been!
So; I was being hated and bullied from every angle from the beginning! in fact; in the first grade I was being pushed around and in the second! and in the second I run away from home because of the teacher; no one was on my side and didnt care about me! My father acted like he was going to play the parent; that was ridiculous! He was one of the reasons all of this was happening! the only real friends I had; a group of brothers who lived on the south direction from my house and the TV set; and that was it!
later, into college; I would continue to be bullied by people! Looking back; its sad! I never had a chance!
This was all caused directly and indirectly by the sadistic psychopath and the sociopathic potential serial rapist I had to live with! They had planned for children to suffer before we were born! Were were brought into a situation to be groomed; lied to and taken advantage of!
And their is more; I can feel it! However, most of it is about being thrown away and laughted at; and thrown to the wolves; I never had a chance! nothing! and Im trying to get over the dream world I created to survive durning those times because its not real; its not what was actually going on!
When I was young; I had to create hope! So; I had to look at something that was good while I was young; but it was slowly being destroyed out of me! I created a fantasy bond within a fantasy bond! and now; it must be broken into; that I can see the truth and get out of it! for it was a frightful abusing situation that destroyed my life and thats all it ever was; their was no redeeming virtues of such a situation!
Their was never any hope for me from the beginning; in those situations! and I must allow God to show me this that I can easily have a reason for walking away from it and never returning!
The hardest part was the grooming; I was being groomed that everything was normal; it was done on purpose; nothing was normal! and so; I never learned how to defend myself or that anything was wrong until it was all to late and I was destroyed! and the psychopaths did this; all of it; directly and indirectly!
And stuff happened later then this! more bulling or being taken advantage of with no way out! until i was thrown out again and again or I finally left! and died! and later was put on social security and now rebuilding a new life!
I have no relationship with my brothers; they have stolen all the inheritance I would have gotten! and destroyed all the houses they might have been left! Im not happy about this; However, Im reminded by God that I have the laws of attraction to create my own life and Im not a psychopath or a sociopath! So; actually, I win! but still! Im beat up and not liking any of this!
So; the goal is to release resistance to the manifestations Im interested in creating; and all this past stuff and the fear it causes and the PTSd is getting in the way!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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