Our partner

User avatar
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1069)
- August 2020
Funny Im back here; I have to learn art
   Sun Aug 09, 2020 9:40 am
Having a relationship day to day with a women
   Fri Aug 07, 2020 2:45 pm
Next step; Talking to women
   Fri Aug 07, 2020 4:45 am
working with the unviese; Laws of attraction
   Mon Aug 03, 2020 12:33 am

+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

more changes ahead.

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

The seductive intoxication of victimhood has control of my body; my body is not mine; its trauma bonded to victimhood. I hate it; I love it; I love to hate more then I like to love; thats what I was left with; to hate; to hate; I had nothing left; I had nothing to work with but air; nothing... I would rather hate the world then be vulnerable and love. But this lie is not working; but its kept me alive in a world that does not care if I live or I die. but the intoxication of victimhood is numbing my feelings with self pleasure; and Im not motivated. Im like a drunk on the sidewalk; he's never awake so he never disagrees to what's happened to his life. He must first wake up. And that is what Im attempting to want to do right now; get down to the bottom line of things and wake up. However, my other personalities block me and dont want me to wake up; they want me to hate.. And Im so tired of their rebellious instructions; its not working; they are children who believe they are in a Christmas special and in denial; for them; they will always be in a safe house and in a bedroom playing with legos and will not have the capacity to see any other world or move beyond into any other world. For them; why should they leave their house for another; for them; their house is safely guarded and no reason to leave; they are cozy and safe. However, in the real world where the rest of me lives is a war zone..
As I write this; I can feel the hatred; and being told not to go forward... I can feel the hatred because I was pulled from my home as a child; genocided as if I was an Assyrian refugee forced to another land; same thing. And now I want to go home and I want go move forward; split energy.
The problem occurs at that moment I make real changes; I faulted; I faulter at that moment; Ill need a clear plan and manhood to move forward; Ill need allot of guys on my side helping me hold the line. I had no one; no friends and no family when young; but didn't know. I associated with people that were never my friends who had contempt for me from the beginning. And I was betrayed by all; and they knew what they were doing and took the opportunity to destroy me from the beginning; they were quite and covert about it; I never had a chance.... I know better now..
The goal now; create goals of what I want right now; how I feel right now; and move forward. I know the resistance of the children within me; the child within me will throw up all kinds of defense. However, must move forward; Im stronger now and I have people on my side helping me to move forward; the gap is getting less n less; it will get to the point of jumping distance. So; much work and perpetration into limiting that gap; thats what Im looking for.
I understand that when it comes time to jump; I'll be scared; and thus; Ill in list men that will hold the line that I not jump away but jump forward across the divide of my life into that new freedom. It's coming.
What am I facing? The bullet Ant test of Brazil; where men are bitten by hundreds of bullet ants by willing choice and spend 24 hours in pain and agony billowing through it until they make it out the other side; thus going from boys to men; that is what Im facing; and Ive got men in place to help me with it; my form of the bullet ant testing; it will be more then one test; but it will be one firing line... And I will go through many tests Ive not faced that will get me to the destinations Im interested in. Im missing the ability to face tests because of authority abuse when young; I was knocked down into a spiral of horror and depravity and no way out. Now; I must work up the next direction toward what I want.

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 707 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Imoutthere, JDW, MakersDozn, Tyler, Yahoo [Bot]