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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Money

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:38 am

Money money money; hopefully I wont crash this blog like the last and I can actually print to the world.
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So; money; its one of the 4 principles; In the basement is God/recovery; and upstairs are three sisters; activities, relationships, and money; These are principle; life principle; they do not change for the human being; the names may change; but I don't think so.
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Money; when young; I lived under a cocoon of protection; I was in a state of shock and hatred and horror and fear and terror and sadness and loss and trauma; coupled by a broken self esteem; totally and completely demoralized; I was about 11 years old. I was in a safety cocoon.
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The cocoon; one does not grow; its a trauma balloon.
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Ive grown in my recovery; studied much; heal somewhat; lets just say symptoms of some things are down. not others.
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Money; when it comes to money; when it comes to needing money; I turn inward and my stomach turns; because I had to turn to the abusers for money when young. I had to ; I was beat into it; one might say; scared into it; because I had nothing else; everything else was stripped form my life; I could feel nothing but fear.
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Heres the deal; When it comes to money or needing things; my nervous system automatically heads back to the abusers; My nervous system heads back to the abusers. Its automatic; brainwashing. Theirs no recovery in this area.
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The goal; head toward the universe concerning money
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I want a car; the first thing that hits my heart; Ask my Grandmother for one; why; because they would help me get one; Im like a broken 12 year old asking her for stuff; Im to traumatized to get this stuff on my own.
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The point; My nervous system does not have any light in it; not concerning money or how to make money; Ive had jobs before; but I was a slave; this is not about jobs; this is bout the light; I head toward the abusers; the ghosts in my nervous system when I think about stuff; when I think about money.
The goal is to switch allegiance from the abusers to the universe; to ask the universe for a new car; have the universe help me get a new car; to learn to work with the universe; take chances with the universe; trust the universe; learn to have faith with the universe; go from the old family system; demonic system to the universe; switch allegiance to the universe as the primary supporting figure.
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When it comes to money; no recovery; I don't know how to make money; I never had to; I was given money; I was given money because I was being bought and sold down the river and I had no self esteem to do anything else but allow the abusers to take care of me; I was to young and scared to do anything else.

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Im in this place of needing recovery concerning money; I've studied money for 5 1/2 years; success; how Billionaires think; some of their secrets; and I get it; Ive got at least a base of understanding on simple concepts.
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I have a goal; change my elegance to he universe from the abusers; get the child in me to see the light thats coming in and maybe get the child to give that light a chance; see if it might help. The child in me; in this area of money was helpless; learned helplessness; brain washed. Brain dead through fear; protected and immature within a cocoon of biological protection to survive being alone in a bizarre horror nightmare.
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I was controlled by authority; and when I think of money; money was dold- out to me by the authority; that money I lived on. And that is the scared me; having to survive; when I think of money; it triggers that time period and I run back to the abusers scared to death and get inline; frightened. And this in my mind. The ghosts in my nervous system. And my nervous system is owned by them and controlled by them like a little soldier. ITs been many years since I was actually in the presence of these abusers; ive seen a few lately; in the last few years; not to many; Im not physically controlled by them or live off them; but my mind is still in their clutches and their basements.
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So; its hard; the transferring to the universe for love and support; is not this the universe that created the monsters that ruined me. Where was the universe; was the universe not watching the whole time; did the universe do anything for me; get me out of their; start my life again?
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So; no self esteem concerning my life or making money; always believing I have to go back to the abusers and I cant do anything unless I ask their permission and I cant do anything unless they are in charge. I cant do anything because they are in control. Im frightened to stand up to them; ill die if I do; Ill be thrown away; and I dont want to go through that again; and no one cares either way.
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So; Im learning to let go of that time period and focus on the universe for helping me? And this is going to be hard; I feel thrown away again; and I hate having to make this move into the arms of the universe; However, I know the universe is all Ive got to help me learn how to make money and be independent.
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What does it feel like to be independent.
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So; Im learning; my nervous system has to turn toward the universe; and that happens when I turn toward the universe; and that happens when the small child in me lets go of clutching the past and slowly sees the light and heads toward the light to new answers concerning independence and money.
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I dont know how to make money; so; Im going to ask the universe to teach me how. How, from the ground up.
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Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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