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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1025)
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- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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Money and women

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:19 pm

If I want to date women; even tho Im old; I have to get rid of the money aspect of things; I don't have any money; Im not suggesting the universe wont bring me money; Maybe Ill have to look at that.
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The point is; I don't know what to be around women; “ Hi, Im a nice guy, and I have no money?”
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Whats wrong with having no money! its frustrating, also, she is my guest; I have no car.
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As I write this; the first thing that comes to mind; either shagg the ###$ out of her or get a girlfriend; the right one.
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Im starting to see it; its all about conversation. If she hasn't got the conversation; use her body. But dat wont last long. One more free body parts; but she has to go; then Im back to where I started; I don't have the right person.
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So; with no money; she is my guest; but I have no money to shower her with; that doesn’t compete; that brings shame to me... and its almost impossible. if not impossible. I really mean it.
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She is with me and costing money; money I don't have. Im not stingy; so how can this work.
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This crosses the one barrier I don't want to cross. ITs about money.
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With the right girl; you know! thats the only way I can put it; with the right girl. the rest are a waist of time. their cute and I want to stuff their holes, fill their holes; stretch them holes. But I don't feel like a man if I cant take care of her; something is wrong.
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With the right women; its about conversation. Ive been around the wrong women; generally, its their attitudes and behaviors; their out before they start.
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ITs about their intellect; talking. Ive taken girls out who purposely wouldn't open up when I knew they could; if they opened up; it would make us both even across the board; but strongly they wouldn’t; I know what thats about; its about manipulation.
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They have to be nice girls; not modern day predators. So sick of this.... Ive had opportunity after opportunity with these kind of women; good looking predators; its as if their behavior can be anything they want; doesn’t matter; Im like; I don't want them in my life or around me; and they look at me like Im a weakling, when in reality; Im testing them; they fail before we get started.
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I've had women; young women like me; finally stayed away from them; their behavior; they were told it was there behavior; did they change it; no; they claim that if lots of people don't like them then thats their problem. really?
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I thought I could sleep with anyone; but I cant; because Im to chicken to deal with unsafe women. Whats their motives; just sex? really? Im to chicken to deal with abandonment. It doesn’t feel manly. I feel like Im getting used. It doesn’t solve the problem. The problem is poverty.
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Ive never found any women to be my friends; its all #######4! all of it.
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I've never found any women to my friends. I dont get it. And Ive never found any women I could make mistakes with; they start monkey branching; looking for something new or something else; hypergamy. I dont get it. Maybe I was lied to when young; maybe women are not suppose to be apart of a mans life; thats the way it seems; it seems unnatural; I dont get any of this; something is wrong....
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If given the chance; women will laugh in my face or try to find a weakness to shame; and if shamed publicly; other women will show up to join in. But if I women is forced to admire me for who I am; they wont; they never show up; not unless a man is good looking or has resources.
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I had a women laughing at me the other day while I was playing the piano; what I found interesting; this idiot actually thought I was listening to her; and then this brought another women over who put her arm around me and tried to shame me along the conversational lines of the other women. I just walked away. I walked away wondering why women take this stance in the first place. Once a women crosses my lines; she out; these women were done numerous years ago; thats why I dont bother with them; I was never entering the room to talk to them or interact with them; I was entering the room to play the piano; I had no idea they were going to interrupt me.
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Im wondering why? why? do I bother with these worthless people. The shaming problem with women is everywhere; thats all it is. if they cant shame you in a conversation; their is no conversation.
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Quality women; where are they! Im afraid I don't have the money for them; possibly, if God brought one to me.
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ITs funny, Ive attracted more beautiful women then a town of men could ever dream; and its done me no good; nothing; Im no better then the shy guy that sits at home on Friday night with no place to go; no one to date.
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I cant see women as friends of mine.
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I can see women as friends of mine if Im in their economic bracket.
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Who wants to go through the humiliation of women backing out on me because of my lack of money. Who would want to go through this.
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Ive had real problems with CPTSD. This does not go well with the average women. They don't seem to have any conscious about anything. They make me out to be a weakling and make fun of me as if Im a scared little boy; and thats why I don't interact with people. What happened to the people in my country; what happened to them; that they would turn into such corrupt weirdo’s. I mean; I know what happened and why; thats causing this problem with women; but theirs nothing I can do about it.
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The best I can do is keep working with the universe.
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Heres the real deal; shame; I don't want to accept myself as someone with no money and feel free and good to talk to women; but Im going to have to; and it bothers me; but it would also be freeing and good for me. but Im so scared and so tired of starting over with nothing and protective qualities like money; because Im not around others with money thats safe. its about the quality of life and success.
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Where have all the good women gone? Theirs plenty of them; but Im not up for meeting them because I have no money; and thats not fair; but I have to get to a point of accepting myself where Im at; and I don't feel safe; I don't feel safe without money and no car and meeting someone; this does not show the deeper better parts of my personality.
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Ive never been around the right quality women; nor do I have a clue on how to jump that fence. Or, Im to proud to jump that fence. I don't know what to do. Im scared of not being accepted one more time for who I am; who wants to go through this over n over.
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Success; success occurs when Im willing to do the things others discard who are not willing to do the things necessary for success; how bad do I want it; I might have to become a machine.
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I have to deal with college grads; women who have gone to college; I have to; thats where Ill meet my interests; but how; so; thats what I will work on. Ive tried women who are from the streets or down and out and abused and.......... Nothing! it was a good idea; but they have to many behavioral problems and lack of education and ignorance. Ive had plenty of them fall in love with me; genuinely; but it never went anywhere; they never took any responsibility for any part of their own lives; nothing; no conscious.
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Im not sure how im going to climb the ladder to better quality women; I dont know; Ill start writing about it. its very scary not having the right amount of money! Im using this as an excuse; and I suppose it is. Its all scary for me; all of it; I can feel it; the ability to get up front and be myself and be up to speed with myself; all scary; horribly scary.
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ITs funny how sex is plentiful; but useless. And I dont know why? I guess Im mad because it doesn’t lead to anything but abandonment. When I have sex with them; their gone and I haven’t really solved any problems with women. Because the problems with women are about going up the ladder to the upper part of the tree to get the best apples.
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How can I go up the tree and get the best apples when I have no money; but I have to know my worth and do it anyway. talk her into it because I am worth it; but I am worth it. thats whats strange about all this.
Im suggesting Im not worth it; but I am worth it; so; I have an identity image problem; not surprising; I have dissociative disorder.
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I have allot of damage to my personality when young; It didnt ask for. So; all of this is hard.
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Its about connecting with the right people. And; what happens when I have no money; after a certain amount of time..... Will it last. should I care?
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PTSD; my PTSD and her children? Man; I dont know!
Last edited by Snaga on Sun Jun 23, 2019 2:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: swear filter

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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