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Mind damage

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Oct 19, 2017 12:24 pm

As I slowly get better; I look back in disgust and wonder at what was done to me! Im still in shock! I look back and see people destroying me! Nothing can do about it! What appeared as safety turns out to be ruthless predators trying to destroy innocent children for the fun of it! And then Im thrown away! but their not done; they will still show up later at times for their fun! They will show up to get involved and keep the game going; Why do this with children? Its easier! They have their prey! They had their prey locked in!
Im not sure why Im surviving or I survive! I should have been dead in grade school! 6th or 5th grade, or anytime beyond it! I was being bullied and destroyed after this; the community; the nice christians did this to me; murdered me! What a bunch of filth! They will burn in hell from where they came from! Im not sure Ive ever met real Christians; I was a real Christian! These worthless scum were no Christians; liars hiding behind their Jesus CD's and dolls and worship ceremonies! The only they worship is their money and themselves; Its false! Narcissistic middle class murder's; thats all they were! Them, their schools, their way of life! If your not now of them then your destroyed!
I remember no one ever helping me; no one; I remember no one caring; nothing! I remember living at my false friends house at age 17, I have become a senior in high school; I still do not understand what these people were doing; why they allowed me to live their; it was not for my sake, they were not my friends and had no respect for me! I was destroyed at that place as well; treated like a second class citizens! Upper middle class Christians; nothing but a bunch of pathological criminals! I have more respect and feel safer from the murder's at the local penitentiary! At least the guys at the penitentiary had a reason for being what they were! These rich people or upper middle people were simply having sadistic fun with innocent people! Rich people are not stupid; its all relational aggression! I was in shock! I was in shock when I walked through their doors! What I needed; mental hospital! I had no idea this is what was going to happen to my life; no idea!
Im not sure what to think; it will take the remainder of my life to heal and Im permanently on disability! Im suppose to be grateful that Im alive! If I had not been destroyed by this community, I will be living my life! Nothing happens to them because the judicial system that protects them; is them! All of the same type and breed! Im glad Im not one of them and Im glad I know what they are! I did not know what they were when I was young; I thought I was safe! I was actually around these scum and thought they were normal; I was being brainwashed into thinking in this murderous twisted self riotous way! I was being brainwashed into believing I was superior to others and others were beneath me!
If you ever go to a standard Christian church; look on the walls; what do you see; you see the message boards with posters; posters of colored people; People not white; you see them in strange posses as if their half animal and half human and the churchy white people are going to save them and turn them into pets!
I saw a poser the other day at a church; The white upper middle class kids are the first thing you see; their faces smart and astute; then, the black and Asian kids below with silly child like innocent grins on their faces and below that Mexican kids with a look of reverence for the white kids at the top of the poster! Its sickening! but its a true example of the realities of these church people! its incredible! its all acceptable as normal!
My goal is to work with God and heal up and learn to be happy where I am and accept what happened to me and relearn to trust God! how Im going to do this; Im not sure! I saw God help these Christians kill me! How can I not blame God! So, I have my work cut out for me! Ive confronted God on this! The message I get; " go to work on yourself"; thats all I get ! So, Im working with God to better myself and my life!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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