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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
Archives
- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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marriage and occupation/vocation

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Aug 07, 2018 2:22 am

When I first started my recovery process and numerous years later hen I wrote my first blog on this site; I was nowhere near the words marriage or vocation! I was on mars looking down on earth; I was very far from this type of reality!
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My goal is to interview the concept of marriage and vocation! Meaning, my maturity level is picking up; picking up on my own! Im looking into marriage! Im looking more n more into occupation; meaning; Im putting my focus on marriage to an Asian-soulmate and doing things; art, music and skiing and other things; relationships and occupations!
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This is a much different animal in recovery then what I started with! Im forcing these ideas of direction!
Im attempting to force myself back to life because its possible; its hard; but its possible!
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I have a break within reality that makes this hard; hard to see and visualize and trust within my mind for I was betrayed when young! And Im going back into this betrayal and re experiencing it!
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I have direction!
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I have other interests; I would like to get my attitude back into a positive family and cultural life; back to being my real inner self again with no fear of fear when I walk outside! we shall see! I have allot of PTSD that gets in the way! I must remember this!
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So; a love life! I want to attract love! that I must learn! I must learn it! many things I must learn! Im closer but still far away! Im shutting off from everything when I think about being apart of things!
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I have to stop the cycle and want a relationship! that is what Im learning about!
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Im very dissociative and withdrawn with this! Im not willing to open my feelings to the wrong people! This scares me! Im trying to face something that has my emotions shut down! Im hoping I can be opened up! Im not sure who or where it will come from! I must ask the universe to where it will come from; where Im headed!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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