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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1021)
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Im still to young
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Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
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She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

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marriage and occupation/vocation

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Aug 07, 2018 2:22 am

When I first started my recovery process and numerous years later hen I wrote my first blog on this site; I was nowhere near the words marriage or vocation! I was on mars looking down on earth; I was very far from this type of reality!
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My goal is to interview the concept of marriage and vocation! Meaning, my maturity level is picking up; picking up on my own! Im looking into marriage! Im looking more n more into occupation; meaning; Im putting my focus on marriage to an Asian-soulmate and doing things; art, music and skiing and other things; relationships and occupations!
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This is a much different animal in recovery then what I started with! Im forcing these ideas of direction!
Im attempting to force myself back to life because its possible; its hard; but its possible!
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I have a break within reality that makes this hard; hard to see and visualize and trust within my mind for I was betrayed when young! And Im going back into this betrayal and re experiencing it!
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I have direction!
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I have other interests; I would like to get my attitude back into a positive family and cultural life; back to being my real inner self again with no fear of fear when I walk outside! we shall see! I have allot of PTSD that gets in the way! I must remember this!
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So; a love life! I want to attract love! that I must learn! I must learn it! many things I must learn! Im closer but still far away! Im shutting off from everything when I think about being apart of things!
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I have to stop the cycle and want a relationship! that is what Im learning about!
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Im very dissociative and withdrawn with this! Im not willing to open my feelings to the wrong people! This scares me! Im trying to face something that has my emotions shut down! Im hoping I can be opened up! Im not sure who or where it will come from! I must ask the universe to where it will come from; where Im headed!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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