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OMNICELL
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- September 2019
One off the more nasty brutal parts of healing
   Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:52 pm
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   Thu Sep 12, 2019 6:22 am
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   Tue Sep 03, 2019 4:33 am

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love 2: what you will see whey you wake up!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Aug 27, 2012 7:47 am

I have to say good by to this small child that I adore.... At some-point her drug addict mother will give her away....

If you want to see real sociopaths at work... Hang out at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and watch an adorable little girl get tortured through neglect by her drug addict father... Then watch him sign the papers to give her way to the state... watch the drug addict mother pick another monster from the meetings to hang with that will freakout and stun/shock this little tiny helpless sensitive girl. Its very hard to watch a child slowly die... Im watching the behavior changes everyday... The screaming, the sadness, the confusion... the withdrawing... The rampant dashes back and fourth... This tiny little girl nows she is being destroyed and abandon... she knows she will be thrown away by the mother at some point...

The mother is an actress... At some-point she will sign the papers and give the baby to the state... This little girl is about 2 years old... She is a sensitive little girl... A sweet little girl.. A little girl that has no future.. .Only sorrow and misery and death a head for her... I predict she kills herself by the time she is 14.....

At 2 years old she has seen and been through as much as someone in combat..... being takn to the drug mans houses day after day after day for the fathers dope... Who knows how he treated her... With complete contempt as she is a sweet example of Gods work and Gods love shining through her...

I would adopt this little girl. I would.. I loved her the minute I saw her.. I want to put my arms around her and never ever let go... Ever... This wont be happening... not in the real world...

I take all of this to God and ask Why I was born... What is the point... To wake up to more if it.. more of the poverty that besets the world... I am to witness it, yet, I am not allowed to meander in it.. As I am still healing....

I must be like the sociopath and say good by to her.. Leaving her to doom and no chance at this life.. I have no trust God... I have to turn to God... As a man it is a very confusing time....

It will do me no good to have a life of leisure or pleasure... No such thing would bring happiness. If I knew the children of this world were safe and felt hope... That would bring peace to me... Until that time I will continue to mistrust this world and every moment of its lies...

I will pray for this little girl that I wanted to make my own... I will pray for her until God takes her memory from me...

I feel like I abandon her to her death....

I have prayed seamlessly fro months about this... Only to have God remind me of the reality of things... That the world is as it is.. And I am just a small cog in it...

I may watch a thing, I do not have the power to control a thing...

I hate God, I love God.. I have God like an iron lung..

I do not feel like escaping through death like before... I do not know what to do except to keep praying... Why am I here.....

God let me know today that I am to stay far far away from this situation... That the people involved are not safe.... I would do no good for me to entangle myself in it... I am useless ...... Powerless.

God is allowing me to know that I may learn many things from the world, yet, do not be apart of or I will parish... I simply observe and learn.. I am not allowed to cross the line into the jungle... As I have been there before and I never returned the last time.. God had to lift my dead destroyed body out of the horror and bring it back to life.... I know I cannot go back, even if a small child will be taken to that jungle and consumed. Even if I know of it and have to watch it...

I shall pray for this little girl until I forget.....

may this little girl forgive me... I saw her..


What is a mans worth?

what is a mans worth?

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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