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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Looking for a Hawaiian women

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Nov 02, 2017 4:18 am

Ive done a soulmate search; meaning; what am I looking for in a soulmate! I know one thing; Asian-soulmate is one concrete locked word! and it still is! I wont even think about being with anyone else! Its in stone or concrete! I kinda freaks me out! if I did another soulmate search; part of me would have to be knocked out because Id end up with Asian-soulmate! but Im sick of it! I dont know what it means! or I have to change to the point that Im getting exhausted from all this!
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Heres the deal! I was destroyed as a child, then extremely duranged and more abused later, up into 18 years of age; lost, destroyed, rip to pieces and confused! And Im quit mentally ill! And, as I get older, I will become more mentally ill! I used drugs, and get within an inch of more serious drug problem! It cools out; later, alcohol; one inch more, it goes into full problems! but I ended up in the nut house for attempted suicide! anyway, I ended up in the recovery process and mental problems got worse!
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Now, they are better! I have not thought about the kind of women I want! It wasn't possible! Now, I can little bit! but I dont know; its so social! I would like to have a women; but I dont know! I dont want to be ripped apart like before; by anyone!
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I did a soulmates search; what am I looking for in a women; Asian-soulmate, actress or creative artist type, intellectual, sensitive, express, verbal; that kind of thing! Im now starting to allow source energy to help me; allow the universe to help me bring them to me; attract them! I dont know what to think! I have no confidence or self esteem in this area!
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I have no money! Im afraid I will be laughed at! I feel ugly inside! not good enough for anyone; not because Im not good enough; because no one appreciates anything! So, Ive got my work cut out for me!
I have learn how to be myself! I know what Im looking for; Ive had soulmates before; She has to be adorable to me; to the point that I cant take my eyes off her! I know what Im looking for when I see her!
Ive had an Asian women notice me lately; she pretty, but I do not adore her! So; no way! she's not my soulmate!
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its frustrating, all of this! I have no money; very little; am I suppose to live off her! Im sure see will like me for that; loser!
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Im not a loser, but I know what women are like! I will have to believe that Im going to have source energy bring me someone! and that someone will accept me the way I am! I have to learn to accept me the way I am!

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Im really scared in all of this! really really really scared and frightened of rejection! I dont like stuff like this; Im worth to much for this! to go through the humiliation of this; However, I know how women are; and when they like you , they like you! the question is; how is this person going to know something about me to like! We will see! I guess Im suppose to stay out of this!
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I have little to know experience in any of this! its horrible and feels hopeless but I know its not! Ive already attract women; but its in the worst place in the world! So, I have to be a different places! better places, I have to work with source energy on what those places are!
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So, its kind of starting for me; my confidence is a bit better then it used to be! one has several soulmates! Ive got some now but they are not Asian women!
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Their is a gap between where Im at now and where I want to be; and this gap is about the tore up part of self that is mangled; and Im trying to work through it to get to the other side! its very hard; I have to work with source energy and trust the universe has got my back Go on a journey with source energy!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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