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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- July 2019
Coming back into the present
   Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:32 am
Im extremely frustrated
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Fining myself or facing myself
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Im beginning to understand
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Visualizing
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Starting from the beginning
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:35 pm
The trap house part 2
   Fri Jul 12, 2019 3:13 pm
The trap house; I only knew about; In the end I win
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Massive Mega paradigm shift
   Thu Jul 11, 2019 3:01 pm
First post recovery conversation
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Dating and Art
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movement
   Tue Jul 09, 2019 5:56 pm
childhood abandonment
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:23 pm
Being single
   Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:53 am
Preview: PTSD; High School
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Fear
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Ive found some answers
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D.I.D; let me introduce myself
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PTSD; dealing with triggers.
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Making me into a loser; its all about the critical voice
   Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:08 pm
Molding sound like clay; having reasons; Things are changing
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critical voice
   Wed Jul 03, 2019 6:38 am
Toxic shame
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:05 pm
Ive found some answers
   Tue Jul 02, 2019 7:59 am

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Looking for a Hawaiian women

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Nov 02, 2017 4:18 am

Ive done a soulmate search; meaning; what am I looking for in a soulmate! I know one thing; Asian-soulmate is one concrete locked word! and it still is! I wont even think about being with anyone else! Its in stone or concrete! I kinda freaks me out! if I did another soulmate search; part of me would have to be knocked out because Id end up with Asian-soulmate! but Im sick of it! I dont know what it means! or I have to change to the point that Im getting exhausted from all this!
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Heres the deal! I was destroyed as a child, then extremely duranged and more abused later, up into 18 years of age; lost, destroyed, rip to pieces and confused! And Im quit mentally ill! And, as I get older, I will become more mentally ill! I used drugs, and get within an inch of more serious drug problem! It cools out; later, alcohol; one inch more, it goes into full problems! but I ended up in the nut house for attempted suicide! anyway, I ended up in the recovery process and mental problems got worse!
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Now, they are better! I have not thought about the kind of women I want! It wasn't possible! Now, I can little bit! but I dont know; its so social! I would like to have a women; but I dont know! I dont want to be ripped apart like before; by anyone!
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I did a soulmates search; what am I looking for in a women; Asian-soulmate, actress or creative artist type, intellectual, sensitive, express, verbal; that kind of thing! Im now starting to allow source energy to help me; allow the universe to help me bring them to me; attract them! I dont know what to think! I have no confidence or self esteem in this area!
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I have no money! Im afraid I will be laughed at! I feel ugly inside! not good enough for anyone; not because Im not good enough; because no one appreciates anything! So, Ive got my work cut out for me!
I have learn how to be myself! I know what Im looking for; Ive had soulmates before; She has to be adorable to me; to the point that I cant take my eyes off her! I know what Im looking for when I see her!
Ive had an Asian women notice me lately; she pretty, but I do not adore her! So; no way! she's not my soulmate!
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its frustrating, all of this! I have no money; very little; am I suppose to live off her! Im sure see will like me for that; loser!
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Im not a loser, but I know what women are like! I will have to believe that Im going to have source energy bring me someone! and that someone will accept me the way I am! I have to learn to accept me the way I am!

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Im really scared in all of this! really really really scared and frightened of rejection! I dont like stuff like this; Im worth to much for this! to go through the humiliation of this; However, I know how women are; and when they like you , they like you! the question is; how is this person going to know something about me to like! We will see! I guess Im suppose to stay out of this!
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I have little to know experience in any of this! its horrible and feels hopeless but I know its not! Ive already attract women; but its in the worst place in the world! So, I have to be a different places! better places, I have to work with source energy on what those places are!
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So, its kind of starting for me; my confidence is a bit better then it used to be! one has several soulmates! Ive got some now but they are not Asian women!
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Their is a gap between where Im at now and where I want to be; and this gap is about the tore up part of self that is mangled; and Im trying to work through it to get to the other side! its very hard; I have to work with source energy and trust the universe has got my back Go on a journey with source energy!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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