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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Lonelyness; a different form!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Apr 10, 2016 8:09 am

Its important to understand the human nature and isolation! lately, Ive been feeling and getting hit with isolation from the mean intent of members of the 12 step groups and other recovery groups I attend! Their getting smart ass like! women and men! controlling; bossy, abusive, bulling, manipulative! and psychologically putting me down and isolating me out of the group from contempt!

Im not part of any group; Im independent! and it makes others look like fools! and it makes those who believe in social status look like deeper fools! They are my enemies; not my friends! and never will be my friends; Im using them to get better; the way I should! They take sides with the strongest acting leader! I said, acting leader! Most of those that want to be leaders in these groups are sociopaths of some form or level! scum always rises to the top in situations that are un supervised!

Cell block daddies wanting to make a name for themselves; these scum always rise to the top of groups and take over through ruthless lies and manipulation; cohesion! intimidation! they still try it on me all the time; they get tired of me being a thorn in their sides!

Ive been apart off the recovery process for 20 years! and ive watched these meetings taken over by thugs pretending to be leaders! and new people who show up; they don't know the difference! I know the difference, but I don't care! I simply want my recovery and want to go home! Im not interested in social status! However, Im interested in social interaction! Im learning how to shake hands with people and get close to people again; asking women out! and many other things; thats the goal!

I have my goals; they have theirs! Mine clash with others! and Im expected to " get in line'! if I don't, I will feel the pressure of those who think they are in charge! However, those in charge will try to destroy your name among others! Ive had it happen a bit! Not to bad!

At some point as I get stronger, the attacks will worsen! I will be intimidated and controlled! Will be interested to see!

The best position is one of humility! Jesus said; sit on the ground next to the door or entrance; something like that! and wait until the king calls you to join him at the table! do not go to the table first!
Ive met many wanna be Kings in these places! its crazy! they are sicko's! and crazy! I would never associate with them if I had no reason to! They don't know this! they think they are Gods! and I am a follower!

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Women and dating; Im starting to remember a date I had with a women about 15 years ago! I took her out to eat, came back to my place, she jumped on my bed! I did nothing! she got up, not understanding! later, she wrote me off as a fool! As my condition got worse, I never remembered her or anyone else! and I forgot how to date or talk to people! I had to relearn through interactive programs!

Now, Im starting to remember!
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My bother is the biggest name I have to forgive! he still has power over me as the big brother! what I didn't know; he's a sociopath and was on his way to becoming one as a child!

So, theirs never been a brother; only a sadistic sociopath! So, all must be let go of! all of it! he does not exist! and never did!

My inheritance; everything was stolen! everything! He's a sociopath! He does not even know their is anything wrong with it! and he's drunk all the time! He's not my brother, and its none of my business! he took nothing that his mother didn't give him! Im mad because Im not part of!

Life is short! to get on with my life; I must let go of everything and everyone! all of it! so; much work must be done concerning the restoration of my life!

Im trying to remember who I am and what I like and what I believe in!

So; my brother must go and all that he did to me forgiven; and I move on! his name is stuck in the deepest part of my stomach! he must go!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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