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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1028)
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- December 2019
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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Lonely and still here

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Jun 25, 2019 11:32 am

No connection; it continues; Im looking for utopia; maybe its in money; having money and good friends; but even the rich complain about being alone.
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Im not doing what I want to do or like to do; if I had it my way; Id be gone from this planet and the corruption and the 2 faced horrible horrifying people; its unbelievable to me.
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Ive been mentally ill and made mistakes; but I tried to go back the best I could and fix it; I tried to be friends with people who didn't want me. I never knew their was anything wrong with me; their was nothing wrong with me in the idea of being friends with me; nothing. Still nothing wrong with me as for being friends with me.
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Ive attracted no one; but Ive been stuck with a whole lot of lower level gutter people that show up around me.
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What am I suppose to be doing with my life; I don't know; Im working on it because; what else am I suppose to do.
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I come from a TV set of pictures and vids and movies; and based what I wanted for my life on those things, but when the movies were over and I was forced into the real world; I could not cope; I was not trained for the real world.
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Ive been around trashy people all of my life.
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Im not sure what else to do with my life but to fallow the stars; Ive tried to fit in in numerous situations; and got nowhere being myself; I finally stopped trying; and did not know what to do.
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Ive had no girlfriend; still don't have any.
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Where are the type of women I want to date; thats the question; I've worked with the universe; but nothing.
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I don't know how to handle interactions with people when my life has been so stripped of everything; who will understand this....
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Its all very tiring.
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Im not sure anymore; I don't fit into society at any level accept maybe the rich; if I had money.
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Im getting ready to go on a campout; I can already see that going back to those specific meetings was a mistake but I learned a few things; socially; nothing; At this camp out; Ill probably just walk around alone as I did before; not really getting into any good conversations.
Im going out of desperation and loneliness; for no other reason.
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I have no ideas here; I would like to meet a wonderful women that I can talk to; but nothing; I would have to move up the ladder to a better position in life and be with someone that understands me; its possible; I attract women; but not anyone I can date; its ridiculous.
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Im trying to understand what this is all for; why am I here; what am I suppose to do with my life. Ive been working on it for a long time; and very little is to be shown of the work Ive done..
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So; I dont know what to think; I continually get the message that I should not be at most of the social situations Im at; the people and places and things. I have no personal life or people in a personal life. nothing; No one cares; Im not sure what to do except move on; thats what i want to do; but where do I go.
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I find it strange that I have the ability to keep going forward; but their seems to be no reason; Im not connected to anyone.
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Im suppose to learn to have faith in the universe; the universe has got my back; but where is all the stuff Ive attempted to manifest?
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Im suppose to have trust.
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I guess I could manifest honest friends; what would that look like? Thats a whole others situation.
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Money is a huge problem that keeps me away from people.
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Possibly, I could keep working with the universe concerning money; I seem to have hope and things to work on; but, Im working on some day getting a life while my life slips away; Im working on some day getting a life while its slipping away right now and Im suppose to trust the universe.
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Connection seems to be the problem; nothing makes any sense.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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