Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1751)
Archives
- March 2024
A gift from God #2
   Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

+ February 2024
+ January 2024
+ December 2023
+ November 2023
+ October 2023
+ September 2023
+ August 2023
+ July 2023
+ June 2023
+ May 2023
+ April 2023
+ March 2023
+ February 2023
+ January 2023
+ December 2022
+ November 2022
+ October 2022
+ September 2022
+ August 2022
+ July 2022
+ June 2022
+ May 2022
+ April 2022
+ March 2022
+ February 2022
+ January 2022
+ December 2021
+ November 2021
+ October 2021
+ September 2021
+ August 2021
+ July 2021
+ June 2021
+ May 2021
+ April 2021
+ March 2021
+ February 2021
+ January 2021
+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Living in an 8 year olds world

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Oct 13, 2018 11:11 am

I stopped growing when I was pulled out of my house at the age of 10; I began to see the bad things going on when age 7! and finally at age 9!
.
The rupturing occurred when I was pulled out of my house at the age of 9 or 10.
.
If you were to step into my my mind; Im reliving as if 4-9 years old continually; as if I never left my childhood home or neighborhood or school or the friends I made at that time!
.
In reality; I believe I was never older then 4 years old or less! For I was dealing with trauma during that time period and before!
I remember not growing from first grade onward! I remember being scared of some of the teachers; I could see through them; all of them! Later I would go through some abuse by them!
.
I remember being in the second grade; I remember having to write a paper for second grade! I remember how dumb it was! I remember not having any help from anyone and not doing it correctly! I remember being treated badly by that second grade teacher! physically lifted up against a wall and yelled at! This moment gave rise to the understanding that I was not being taken care of at home; their was no one at home; their was a home tho, and that I would depend on! The physical home was more important then those in it; and the neighborhood; it gave a stability! However, the psychopaths were watching this! they knew; and they knew when to strike!
.
.
Note; later in life; at the age of 14; when I fell in love with this girl; I turned on her when she trusted me; just as my parents had turned on me; I could not help it; I abused her as they had abused me! it took me over; my mind over; I could not go any further and help her! because of this act; I never came around her ever again; I did not know how to face her after doing this creepy thing! I lost her! She trusted me fully; and I thought she should, but I turned on her and ruined the possibility of a relationship! She never came back; I never came back! I turned on her as if she was the enemy; and sooner or later would be the enemy regardless; even tho, she wasn't! she was not my enemy; she was my trusted friend! I had built that trust and then I secretly turned on her once she gave me that trust! So; I was no different then the predators that did me in! I did her in physiologically and emotionally and spiritually! And I have to learn to understand this! I went back; went back to 8 years old!
.
I was attacked by the psychopaths psychologically, emotionally and relationally through terror of relational aggression! Later; I will be in situations where its economical terror and sexual terror; continually being put into situations that harm me against my will; over n over n over until I loose my mind and my nervous system goes out on me!
.
.
Today; after being damaged; Im trying to understand how to live!
.
Im in my home town; if I can call any town a home town after what I went through! Im a block away from the street I grew upon; I used to live on the street I grew up on; lived their as a adult!
.
My mind is in a perpetual state of being 8 years old! its the center of my mind; its the only reality I know. Any reality in the present is to hard for me! its to much cold reality; I have nothing in the present!
.
Creating something new in the present; Im trying to create something new in the present! Im very cautious; I dont trust anything!
.
Im learning to trust the universe and learn to allow the universe to bring me things that are good for me!
Ive done quit well with my success based LOA training! However, Now; Im working on relationships! a most harder animal to deal with! How do I trust! who do I trust! The universe brings me people; can I trust them?
.
Im working my way out of PTSD from the past; Im doing this through visualization of focusing on only what I want for my future; Im focusing on something for a long period of time; in addition, Im focusing on a new surrounding in my head or in my brain or mind; Im trying to focus on the room im in right now! in the "now" when Im visualizing; being present while visualizing for the future! Its hard scary work! I dont get to depend on having a past!
.
The past is my identity! if I let go of the past; the memories of the past; what do I have in the present; thats the fear; or the brainwashing inflicted on me as a child! Im attempting to work through it!
.
Its the hardest thing; letting go of the past and being present in this room now; I see this in my mind! it is helping to create a new reality for me; to trust a new reality can be created and I can live in this new reality! Im working on everyday!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 6391 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, kushkohad, NewSunRising, PrimePossum, robertwilson