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Living in a small town with dissociative disorder

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Apr 13, 2018 8:59 am

One problem with dissociative disorder; Im messed up and think I know what other people are thinking about me! In reality, How people actually see me is not how I see myself! I dont see what they see! they might pity me! I dont know! Having dissociative disorder does not allow me to really know whats going on in the outside world; Im protected in my own world; much like someone with autism.
Ive never had a girlfriend! I could never meet anyone; I was never present! Nothing has changed! I suspect women thinks Im weird or nuts because I dont recognize my own behavior.
Ive tried calling a few girls; no phone call back!
I live in my own world! a world, much like a person with autism! Its a strange world; a alone world! the closest I ever got to a real life was the television set when I was a boy!
Ive tried interacting with the humans; nothing has worked; I claimed they were all shallow! Its possible; I have no idea what I look like to other people! they see me as dtysfunctioning.
It this point; I dont know if I will ever get a girlfriend; I dont know! I dont hang out with normal people! Ive been around 12 step people in chemical based dependency groups! Ive gotten nowhere dating any of those women; nothing!
In the real world; Ive gotten nowhere!
I dont know! God could bring me someone! but nothing has happened!
Ive worked with the laws of attraction and nothing has happened!
I do not live around or associate with normal people!
Im not sure what the future brings.
Ive been around some people I would call friends; their not real friends; they have no value for me; I just get used by them; meaning, I have no value to them!
I have no normal friends!
I have to keep working with God on this stuff! Im getting old! so, I doubt I will ever have a girlfriend! For some reason, God has not brought anyone!
At least I know what happened to me when young; the abuse; I understand what was happening to me; and I understand why the neighborhoods I lived in treated me the way they did; they saw me from a different angle then I actually lived; they saw me as a throw away latchkey kid! later, they dumped me as trash! I never knew I was trash in their eyes; I thought I was one of them; not so! I thought, at least their kids saw me as equal; not so; they were rich; I was no one! I was nothing; I was a throw away! Now I know! I never had any friends in the first place; never did!
I have God! but; I have to let go of the people and places and things of this area I live in; I have no friends here; and I must ask God to let me go; so I can make new friends! Im alive; possibly, thats the purpose of why Im here! I have no other purpose for being here! No friends; never did! never understood this; I understand this now! No girlfriends; Im alone!
Ive seen women taken advantage of by sociopaths! Those girls are easy pickings; they end up getting lied to and pregnant. Its very sad; Im not the only one getting victimized!
The problem is me; thats how I see it; people dont understand my aloof behavior; I understand it! but I have no friends; nothing! Im like a drifter! So, having girlfriends is non existent.
Its not a smart idea to go out with drug addict girls in recovery; they go out and use again at some point! not all of them; most are in the recovery to get a man! once they hook up; their gone!
As for as the rest; with my problems; who can I attract! who wants me! I dont know; do not have a clue about anything!
Im alive and I have a relationship with God! other then that; when it comes to people; nothing!
I didnt realize how far out in left field I am! Im starting to understand! Even the people in left field dont want anything to do with me!
I have to work with God and move on! Im not sure what to move on to!
Im not sure!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
1 Comment Viewed 3791 times

Re: Living in a small town with dissociative disorder

Permanent Linkby Snaga on Fri Apr 13, 2018 5:44 pm

Don't give up hope, Ommicell. You've always impressed me as someone who knows what he wants, and will put yourself in the right mindset to give it a chance to happen. It's never too late, for any of us. Just keep in mind, that we're all imperfect. You might never find a perfect g/f, but I do remain convinced there's someone for everyone. Sometimes just takes a lot of patience, and weeding thru ones that don't work for us. Hang in there bud.

I think becoming self aware of ourselves, as you are doing, is a really positive thing and a step towards what you want out of life.

Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
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