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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1028)
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- December 2019
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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Listening to the net radio iTunes!

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Thu Oct 01, 2015 6:33 am

I can create anything I hear on iTunes! I can write a symphony! Ive written a few things very close! Not exact sonata form; close!

Im the most talented person you have met!

Im a performance artist! Who has never performed or learned any of the arts! But it's my natural calling!

I did mistakenly learn music! But that was by a fluke! It happened in the few free years I had as a boy!

But I am an actor, and dancer, and drama; O my! Drama! I had so many plans as a boy! They were all destroyed!

I do not think it matters what the psychopaths thought! They would have destroyed me anyway!

So, what does this mean!

I am poor! In poverty and I don't know how to get out! I simply don't! Every direction from the center causes pain! So much pain!

In the past; I just wanted to die and go away, go back to heaven! No one cared!

Possibly, I have to get back to the point that no one remembers me or cares!

No one knew what I was thinking; thinking about them!

I don't seem to be free, even in my thoughts! As if Im being controlled by the past!

I go to AA meetings! And some people try to control me! Yet, I wonder why Im a victim or playing the victim or why I would care; Im in an AA meeting! Who fault is this?!

Im listening to the net radio; England! EDM hard! Trance! Good stuff; its show time!

I seem so far away from the freedom of this announcer DJ that is running the show! He is playing track after track of his superstar creators of this style!

Why did I give everything up! I had no base; my mother ( who is actually a psychopath, ruined for the last time when I was 16)!

But why was I ruined or had to be ruined! It was the end of all that I knew at an early age! I was being pressed to leave!

I see the same effect in the 12 step groups I go to! They are not interested in me! Nor am I treated right! Im treated with contempt! But its all I got!

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Ive lived a double life! Ive lived no life! I have not lived yet! I am alone! And I don't know what to do about it!

Attracting the wrong people is a waist of time!

I have to get my apartment cleaned up! This apartment is about mental illness that I am coming out of!

Im not sure who or what or where! I don't know!

All are strangers! All was in my mind and head as a child! All my dreams for the future! Then I was thrown away!

Im not using my talents! I don't know how! I don't know how to be without anxiety attack!

I hit anxiety walls! I hit them every time I go out to the public!

I have no place to practice!

Im a performance artist that has never performed! Never touched most arts! Or developed in them! And I do not know how to get started! I know why I should! I don't want to deal with the dilemmas or misunderstanding!

I work best in solitude!

I work and live best in freedom!

I have no solitude to create in! so, I must turn to God and ask why?

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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