Our partner

User avatar
OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1751)
Archives
- March 2024
A gift from God #2
   Sat Mar 16, 2024 9:21 pm
The Gift from God…
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 5:29 pm
2 goals; elements of accomplishment
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 1:41 pm
Work Ethic is Needed Please
   Tue Mar 12, 2024 4:46 am
Some Solutions; Lot of Hope
   Thu Mar 07, 2024 5:39 am

+ February 2024
+ January 2024
+ December 2023
+ November 2023
+ October 2023
+ September 2023
+ August 2023
+ July 2023
+ June 2023
+ May 2023
+ April 2023
+ March 2023
+ February 2023
+ January 2023
+ December 2022
+ November 2022
+ October 2022
+ September 2022
+ August 2022
+ July 2022
+ June 2022
+ May 2022
+ April 2022
+ March 2022
+ February 2022
+ January 2022
+ December 2021
+ November 2021
+ October 2021
+ September 2021
+ August 2021
+ July 2021
+ June 2021
+ May 2021
+ April 2021
+ March 2021
+ February 2021
+ January 2021
+ December 2020
+ November 2020
+ October 2020
+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Life is hard! Im OK

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Wed Jul 24, 2013 4:18 am

I would like be more then surviving, However, at times all I can do is start the hot soapy water, get a good psych book and jump in!

Its sad when people hurt me! I am used to it. I am used to walking away from it. Sometimes I have to walk away when there siting 10 feet in front of me! They have to become strangers and stay that way!

I have a decent life. Its not perfect! Im very alone! I guess thats OK. I am alive and some symptoms are healing! My mind is very weak in specific areas! Although memories are reattaching, my mind is weak, and will always be weak. I can only handle short bursts of interactivity and I begin to " go out" to dissociate.

I have learned to tell people about my condition; I am scared of people in general, men and women, if you attempt to know me, I will attempt the same, at some point within several weeks, I will pull away from you for a month or 2, I will return to you! So, do not be alarmed if I pull away!

----------

I have many areas of stability!

My apartment is becoming manageable and clean. This means, cleared out! the general areas; kitchen, living room, bedroom, den, are cleared; Spartan-is-tic. vacuumed! much different then before!

Money is even. I have a monthly check and a payee! I am grateful. I have to" watch it!" the credit card companies come at you when you start paying things on time. Its easy to buy that new " thing" on credit and get swamped. Dam credit card companies up your credit if you pay three more months on time! its crazy, if I spend the full amount of the card, I would never be able to pay the monthly interest! It should be illegal! Its better to save and pay cash, or send a money order, stay away from the credit card companies.
-------

Women:

Ive had allot of basic experience with women in the last 4 years. Ive learned what I like and I do not like.

One area I like is someone that has been broken and is seeking recovery. One area I do not like is deception. Its horrible when I find someone with both conditions!

I am attracted, then I am repulsed and must leave them never to return. I will not associate with someone that betrays my trust during a courtship period; Im afraid they are " out" for ever!

Ive had trouble with the women from my groups because they are deceptive: They are interested in me, However, If I pull away from them for to long after I have taken interest, they secretly bring in a new man! However, they continue to look in my direction as if they still want a relationship with me! nothing could make me more sick to my stomach! I will never associate with someone like this again! ever! And this is the problem Im having with women from my meetings..

I am interested in meeting people that are broken who are not deceptive or dishonest! Other then the dishonest situations, I am doing well with women in general.

My mind is weak, and this posses a problem having the strength to pursue someone!

-----------
Weight lifting has been a major problem for the last month. I have lost my motivation! I believe Im depressed. I get depressed when I work to hard in the recovery process. Im putting my mind through to much bombardment and it begins to shut down! I am showing up to the gym, Im not doing much!
Ive gained 1o pounds, However, Im a bicyclist, I can loss it very easily through biking and or exercise walking!

-------------------

Music and art stuff or happening! Im practicing my singing and writing! and I take art stuff to the meetings and create while others are talking; Its a start! I have to trust God with this stuff, my past life was a complete failure, and my music and art stuff are tied into that past; Its a scary situation of failure Im playing with!
--------------

Im getting more into mountain biking again! and this is great for my identity! Im waiting to get a new bike.

-------

My biggest issue is with friends. I have very little, and I must rely on blogs like this to express how I really feel, Its a very lonely situation. Many people have no depth of character, and cannot relate to people with problems. Many people have no framework to deal with problem people! So, I am very strangely lonely! and this can get grueling and make life feel like Im surviving and not living!

I do not know if the people situation will ever change! My condition creates many problems for sustaining relationships. I drop out! ITs all very hard! I have learned to inform others of my conditions.

I will pray, and hope that God brings me to areas of awareness of those that are broken and honest; I would love to meet them!

I have a working good relationship with God, and this continues to be worked on!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 8708 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], EdwardLaure, Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, HarleyTelve, Keithpax, Majestic-12 [Bot], WayneSit