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OMNICELL
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Consumer 6
 
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1025)
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- November 2019
Social skills improving
   Thu Nov 07, 2019 12:51 am
My goal is to work through adolescence.
   Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:16 pm

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Letting go into Gods hands

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri Sep 29, 2017 11:47 am

I was going to write about letting go; instead say; letting go into Gods hands; for I am not just letting go, I have a higher power next to me; meaning, I let go and jump into Gods arms!
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Im of the understanding that when young, very young, I watched TV and learned from the sitcoms what I wanted to be when I grew up or what excited me! I found aspects of the sitcoms to be of favor to me. The TV set was my mother and father and sisters and brothers and cousins and school systems and way of life and house and neighborhood. I created good thoughts about many things; wholesome things; I assumed Id head toward these things in my life! What I did not know; I was already being thrown away; I was being thrown away when born; that is why I was in front of the TV set; I had nothing else and no one else to show me anything! I was alone; completely alone in many respects; to many respects!
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Im seeing that I spend most of my life trying to fight for the development of a childhood that was never developed! My goal is to develop from the age of 4 on up! and I spend my life trying to have the world re create or finding a re created place to start my journey as a child; regardless of my chronicle logic age! My physical age! My mental age is of a 3 year old just starting life and Im looking for the directions; the new directions to start my life; where are they; where are the directions!
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Im looking for the directions of my life! I spend all my times trying to work through resistance to start my life; my childhood life that I missed! I missed all of it; I was robbed of all of it; everything! At the time as a small child, I thought I had a life; little did I know I was being exploited from every angle; I had no idea; I was being led on as if everything was fine! The monsters that were leading me on; I did not know they were monsters; I knew one of them to be bad and not safe; but not the other; and they both turned out to be monsters! I was never safe nor would I ever get a life; I would be destroyed out of a life; my life!
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So, Im constantly working with God to have a life; and one aspect is to let go into Gods hands; Im afraid; for is it or was it not God that allow my life to be destroyed! and so, it is very confusing on what to believe! I believe the Universe will help me when I let down the resistance! So, Im trying! I have to ask the universe for journeys that allow me to learn to trust God! and thats where Im headed, asking for these journeys! I know; when I start on a journey with the universe, Im letting go of the past; and Im letting go of the dream of anyone come back from the past to rescue me! and this is a very hard thing! I have to work with God and let God do his work; his work on me!
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Trusting and allowing God; this is where the work is; can I let go and actually believe that God has got my back and everything is going to be OK?, I would like to work with God to believe this; to m are this happen!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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