Our partner

User avatar
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1036
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1097)
- October 2020
The real me; starting to show signs of alignment
   Wed Oct 28, 2020 10:11 am
Stepping into the next interval of time
   Mon Oct 26, 2020 11:11 pm
over the wall
   Mon Oct 26, 2020 6:13 am
Im wacked out...
   Fri Oct 23, 2020 10:35 pm
Ive got real friends
   Wed Oct 21, 2020 4:10 am
Working with God in dating/relationships
   Tue Oct 20, 2020 11:25 am
   Sun Oct 11, 2020 10:06 am
   Sat Oct 10, 2020 10:06 pm
Feeling worthy
   Fri Oct 09, 2020 10:06 am
adjustments when dealing with women
   Thu Oct 08, 2020 9:55 am

+ September 2020
+ August 2020
+ July 2020
+ June 2020
+ May 2020
+ April 2020
+ March 2020
+ February 2020
+ January 2020
+ December 2019
+ November 2019
+ October 2019
+ September 2019
+ August 2019
+ July 2019
+ June 2019
+ May 2019
+ April 2019
+ March 2019
+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

Keep writing again

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Dec 02, 2014 2:06 am

Sometimes, its not about what you say, its about participation! I plan to keep writing until the rest of the world from my past and present go away! I plan to keep writing until I write myself out!

I was brought up in a most unfortunate situation! And I write and write and write on it! and I will continue to until it goes away!

The hurt is all that I was kept from! I was kept from using my talents! or making it through school! I was thrown away! my advantages in life were destroyed on purpose! It was taken away and then I was given away! and this is the work of an evil sadistic nature; a sadistic sociopath! Evil; pure evil!

Will I come back! I might! I have to see and feel my real feelings, and then get them back without the props from the past! meaning, I start the play without any backdrops; I don't know where or who I am! or what land Im from! I have to trust God and start again as soon as I get my original memories back! and they seem to be coming back! I rejected them at first, they were to close to danger!
I was being thrown away and devalued! The people around me were devaluing me ! I don't know why!
I was completely hated and devalued! But there as nothing wrong with me. I was just as good or the same as the people that were devaluing me! I was no different In fact, I had been a positive experience with these people before!

They continued to attempt to make me into something worthless when I simply was not worthless! They tried to make me into someone with no intelligence or talents! and I was exceptionally brainy and talented! None of this makes an ######6 sense! Nothing does on any direction!

Why hate someone. Why not help them succeed!

No love! But why! God loved me! I was lovable! makes no sense! later, I was hated with contempt!

It was truly the biggest nightmare of sadness that can befall a child! To loose so much and no one cares! Nothing! They throw you away because you are a human being! its evil! and they don't care if they ever see you again! Its insane!

I have to be myself!
There was a me, but that person could not withstand the attacks of bulling and sociopathic parents that wanted me out or dead or never to return! or I was blamed as scapegoat for the evil! They were not real parents; they were sadistic! they don't count! and had no connection to me! They were using me! nothing more! and doing it in a brutal sinister way! they knew when they would pull the plug on the family system and leave me on the road!

I have to get back to the past, at a place that I was me, and somehow learn how to stand up to others! This is way off!

I can't see the past for what it was; it is marred because the people I associated with are friendly at the time the memories are created! I have no idea they are going to turn on me! So, the memories are associated with bad people that have not yet shown they are bad people! but the child in me knows what happened! and does not want to relive this anymore! But I must get the good memories then, separate them from the bad people I was associated with.

For example;

Say Im playing football in the front yard with a friend at his house! We play together, throw ball together, then head into his house, eat, and watch TV together! we talk about girls, then walk around the block!

IVe build some good memories! and Ive participated in my life! IVe played football, interacted with others, eat'n with others! walked around looking at houses with others! So, those were good memories, and of a time of confidence!

Lets say this person turns out to be a bad person! and I decide all memories associated with this person must be buried or forgotten! Its fine to bury and forget the person I was playing ball with! but I do not want to loose the fundamental building memories that define who I was as a growing boy! I need those, those are part of my developmental years! So, I must see them, and let go of the people , places and things associated with them! not an easy task! requires courage!

All of my memories were crushed into a meat grinder! these were my first identity! I never thought I would ever need another! but I ended up with another! I am part of the other! I am parts of many!

I like the first identity as child! that is the real me! the rest are protectors! or functioners! We function that the whole survive!

I look back now at what those people took from me or made me go through, or took from me! They took everything! did everything! My mind was destroyed!

I can see bits and pieces of me, this person, being kept away from his own good!

Now Im trying to piece all of this back together! So much confusion!

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 5157 times

Who is online

Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, highdimensionman, jaus tail, KalliopePS, NeedtoStop5673, pedrokaul, supplementtips1, Tyler