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OMNICELL
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Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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- September 2019
One off the more nasty brutal parts of healing
   Fri Sep 13, 2019 4:52 pm
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   Thu Sep 12, 2019 6:22 am
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   Tue Sep 03, 2019 4:33 am

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Keep writing...

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Feb 09, 2014 6:28 am

Its important that I keep writing and keep expressing if I want to stay alive.... If I want to face the tragedies that have occurred in my life, I have to keep working at the repression.

Repression is a horrible thing. I have to trust that if I let out my pain, I will be OK. Yet, I have no safe place to let it out! The only place I felt safe was my childhood. Am trying to make this place safe ( the present).
The outside world is not a safe place! Its never safe! its not safe right now! its never been safe, so, where do I go!

Im not sure where I go!

I have to trust God! and keep working with God! Im getting tired of trusting God! Im not sure where God is taking me. Now I sound like Judas Iscariot. ITs about God at this point; bowing down to God and working with God on all this stuff; thats what counts...

Its to bad Im not supported more at the meetings! I have to trust God! and its working slowly. Man its life n death work! and it shows that others will let me die. ITs murderer, and people when they grow up become murderers.

People want to see me as a popper. I don't care! but it hurts. It hurts to be abandon over n over n over. Its never stops. I have gotten stronger over the years, so its working.

Recovery can work much like a burn ward. You get better, but it hurts! and its life n death...

Its important to be in recovery working on my tragedies... working through them to a new way of thinking!

man its life n death out there!

It may be a fight up to the point of freedom. I have found that I do recover! regardless of how others want to manipulate or control.

People can be no better then animals when dealing with there own kind. Whats so horrible about this: Animals don't have a choice! humans do not have to, or need to be animals; its evil. Its a deliberate excuse to look like superstars while killing others slowly!

ITs hard! but I have to trust God and keep working at it! I am hated at places. Loathed by some! I have no support.

The doors are open at places but the peoples hearts are not with me! its empty. I have God! and the recovery process is working.

I have pissed people of because Im using them to get beyond them at meetings. They get mad and walk out on me when Im sharing. They refuse to be part of my walk back to health! It makes me sick and it scares me that Im around people like this. I consider people like this murderers. They hate God and what God has created.

In the end I win! either way!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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