Our partner

User avatar
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
Posts: 1026
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (841)
- March 2019
Politics; I want to be on the side of the people
   Fri Mar 15, 2019 6:29 pm
FB down; glad to know everything isn't owned by FB
   Thu Mar 14, 2019 2:23 am
   Thu Mar 07, 2019 11:33 pm
Loneliness with a purpose
   Thu Mar 07, 2019 2:43 am
applicable intelligence
   Tue Mar 05, 2019 6:26 pm

+ February 2019
+ January 2019
+ December 2018
+ November 2018
+ October 2018
+ September 2018
+ August 2018
+ July 2018
+ June 2018
+ May 2018
+ April 2018
+ March 2018
+ February 2018
+ January 2018
+ December 2017
+ November 2017
+ October 2017
+ September 2017
+ August 2017
+ July 2017
+ June 2017
+ May 2017
+ April 2017
+ March 2017
+ February 2017
+ January 2017
+ December 2016
+ November 2016
+ September 2016
+ August 2016
+ July 2016
+ June 2016
+ May 2016
+ April 2016
+ March 2016
+ February 2016
+ January 2016
+ December 2015
+ November 2015
+ October 2015
+ September 2015
+ August 2015
+ April 2015
+ March 2015
+ February 2015
+ January 2015
+ December 2014
+ November 2014
+ October 2014
+ September 2014
+ August 2014
+ July 2014
+ June 2014
+ May 2014
+ April 2014
+ March 2014
+ February 2014
+ January 2014
+ December 2013
+ November 2013
+ October 2013
+ September 2013
+ August 2013
+ July 2013
+ June 2013
+ May 2013
+ April 2013
+ March 2013
+ February 2013
+ January 2013
+ December 2012
+ November 2012
+ October 2012
+ September 2012
+ August 2012
+ July 2012
+ June 2012
+ May 2012
+ April 2012
+ March 2012
+ February 2012
+ January 2012
+ December 2011
+ November 2011
Search Blogs

keep the faith

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Nov 11, 2012 3:24 am

Faith is an important concept for me.. I believe In God... It is God that saved my life...

Faith is the ability to let go of worldly things; no worshiping the world or the things in it..

No worshiping the fantasy of love, adoration or affections from strangers that don't exist outside of a glance or presumed hello; I may not know there name yet think we are friends, or they are deeply in love with me and want to date me.

I have a real hard time with feelings and meanings associated with the subject matter of the above sentence.. One giant area of weakness is attempting to play into word signs or hand signals or body movements that would suggest Im admired or noticed or liked by someone; even tho that person is a complete stranger and may always be a complete stranger..

Im in situations where I think girls like me. They don't... I would have no idea how they feel about me; Ive decided they are guides, guides helping me reestablish the acquisition of reintroduced information lost through trauma detachment from years before.

The girls are helping me wake and learn about myself; although I have no personal relationship with them, I learn much from them.. When I cross the fantasy line and believe they want a date from me, this is when trouble starts...

Let go and let God. People come and go; I have no idea the affections others have on me.

I am not aware of the people that have contempt for me or aware of the people that like me.. I need to trust God and let go of the need for attachment of others. Attachment is such a huge issue with me.. I attach with people instead of association... I would like to stop the attachment and just be...

I have a dissociative problem of fantasying about the role others play in my life; its what ive used in the past to psychologically survive. Ive had to believe I came from a decent family, I've had to believe that I had decent friends, I had to believe I had a decent future... I had none of the above.. Its all a lie. and I continue to fantasy bond about other people. Im to afraid of the truth of how they really feel about me; that I have no status in there eyes, that Im a laughing stock... Im scared that people are not what I make them out to be; they are generally worse people then I need them to be. They cant live up to the fantasy I create: thus, leaving me bewildered and confused and disappointed.

Im asking God to stop the attachment to people and come back to reality.. If some of these people died my identity would be devastated; its hard to admit this, however, its true.

I may have people laugh with me, agree with me, see my depth, and have no interest in me. Just because someone laughs with the same level of insight does not mean they wanted to meet me for coffee... It doesn't mean I have any favorable thoughts running through there heads... I would presume they are thinking about me all the time, when in truth, they never think about me once, yet they will smile at me when they see me!.. I mean nothing to them... This is all very hard and has that feeling of abandonment...

I will learn to let go and trust God....

Dissociative Disorder
AVPD; Social avoidance
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
0 Comments Viewed 11588 times

Who is online

Registered users: Afterimage, Baidu [Spider], Bing [Bot], birdsong87, Exabot [Bot], Floralie, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Lumelora, Majestic-12 [Bot], MakersDozn, TeddyBear the helper, TheCollective, Wally58, Wonder85