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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
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   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

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Keep moving forward

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Fri May 27, 2016 4:57 pm

I deal with allot of weirdo's in meetings at times! I must remember! They look at me the same way! Im trying to get better, they think they are better then me! Im in rooms of sick people! Why God has not supplied me with new people that are around me taking care of me; I don't know!

God is showing me how to survive on my own! And that is a good thing; but still; whats with a life like Jesus Christ! Im not Jesus! I don't want this life!

I have learned that the masses will crucify you! They have no worth! They are ######6 filth; worthless! Most of them!

I consider most women Ive met as sociopathic or a few authentic psychopaths! But very pathological! Most women Ive met have no conscious! Why; I don't know! Im a human being, and most that I have met are only interested in what they can get! They do not see me as a human being! I don't get it!

Im learning that the women Im interested in; I have to be at their frequency or they have to be at mine! What ever this means! Will I ever get their!

The point is; I have to take chances with women and be unclose to know who or what they are!

Where are the women Im looking for! I don't know! I will have to ask God about them!~

I cannot stand the ######6 arrogance of most women I meet! I simply wont stand for it!

I think; I have to find the people that value me or want to! This will be hard work! I must keep trusting God!

When I create a vision in my imagination; a visual; God creates a path from that visual to me in the real world!

I have to keep working to believe! And forgive everyone else!

Im around allot of sick people, but then Im sick! And Im blaming them for not being enough! Yet, Im hanging out with them! Im practicing with them, on them! I continue to get better, but I get allot of slaps in the face! Others have no interested in me accept what they can get from me!

Its all very confusing dealing with 2 faced people! However, at some point, I give up, write them off; say goodbye and move on as if ive never met them!

My goal is to forget all about them! Never talk to them again! First, I must get better to do so!

Its all very hard!

The goal is to keep working on my goals and bringing God into the picture!

Im not interested in arrogant ; I think what Im learning; the ability to go up to these arrogant women; to their face, and take a look at them! and walk away@ Face them! and then I can move on from them!

IVe seen married women checking me out, as if Im going to hook up with them after they get divorced or something! Im not interested in those kind of people! I am asking God to send me down the right path to the people I need to be around!

Most of the women Ive been around see nothing in me! Zero! To them; Im a loser that doesn't work! Nothing more! Im using these people, and waiting to get better! then I will find better people! thats what Im telling myself! something like this!

Theirs nothing worse than a women make a decision about you; that after investigation she comes to the conclusion that your worthless; when you were never worthless in the first place; its ridiculous!

The point is; I would like to be around better people! People that are not surface dwellers or who judge according to your symptoms!

Ive been judged enough; it makes me want to run and hide! It never ends!

Im afraid to get near people because of their judgments!

Ive had no hiding place! nothing! Ive had no place to go! Im slowly learning host to be present in life!

====================================================================================

Goals!

Im working everyday on who I want to be tomorrow ! I write up who Im going to become as if Im already their! everyday several times! The goals is 5 times a day, re writing my story of who and what Im going to be like or be doing in the future as if Im already doing it!

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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