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OMNICELL
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
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Keep it rolling and rolling

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sun Jun 29, 2014 4:34 am

SO, at the meeting tonight! rough meeting with conniving masters... I must remember where I am; they simply cheat! I am stronger, and still showed up. I lost! I didn't win, they would make sure of it.. If they could not put me down legally, they would cheat; not a problem! They take from weaker people! They don't care why you are weak; they take from you!

I still have much strength to gather! keep working toward things...

You learn much from others; if they think they are right, they will fight to the end! They are only thinking about themselves, they are not thinking about justice! They are not thinking about decency. They will railed you into the ground if they think they can bully you into it! bulling is the name of the game; fear and intimidation! If you want to be the leader, you must fight the strongest bull! Makes no difference if you deserve the respect; you must be the strongest. Makes no difference! you are the strongest because your stronger then those next to you or you are not! Thus is the angle of reality when dealing with so many antisocial personality disorders. They will cheat you and run you into the ground; they have no God conscious. Cheats don't care! They lie and get handshaked by other liars.
Do not expect a den of thieves to respect an honest man. If you point out they are thieves, you will anger the nest; nothing more. Within a den of thieves, you will never gain there respect; never!

However, you may gain strength! And strength is necessary for survival. It would be nice to be respected for who you are and what you've earned. However, this group will not do this.

They will weasel me into coming to them! but it wont happen! Its tempting because they hit on me at the right moment of weakness; and Im starting to see this.

Some have been friendly, and they are not friendly; they are not my friends! they have no respect for me, just contempt. They resent having to answer to someone they have contempt for! They have contempt for what they have been told! They do not question its authority. However, they will underhand me if I attempt to be the authority; even tho Im the authority!

I have earned the right as the authority! but they respect nothing! Its a den of murderers. And recovery is waking up to this fact. Its all strengthening! I must remember this and trust God!

Im having to fight tooth n nail to the end to squeeze blood out of a turnip. And Im dealing with people that will hold me back if they can get away with it.

My weaknesses are being exposed and worked on; or Im being worked, or worked over. I must trust God and keep showing up! The whole thing is gruesome and horrible; but its strengthening! Its like Chemo therapy!

Its all about them! and it always will be! Im suppose to take a subordinate roll. I don't think so! Im not interested in such things. I have to become stronger! It will take time to work up the ladder.

-------

I noticed the girl from the meetings; the one I dated! Nothing has changed. People like this will continue to attempt to get my attention to keep this game going! As long as I give some type of interest, they will play me into the ground! its all a game of spitting in my face to show me Im nothing; It never ends. Its despicable.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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