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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1029)
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- December 2019
Vile hatred and anger.
   Thu Dec 12, 2019 4:18 pm
more changes ahead.
   Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

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Ive got something others don't have

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Apr 09, 2019 12:21 pm

I have the beginning training to go positive; something others don't have. It's hard earned; this positive concept; It is hidden from most men. It's hiding; silent and in the underground; not something up front.
I have it; its mine; its mine because I've worked on it. with it; internalized it; it's not perfect; it will take more work, and that's the problem. I have to cross no man's land; no man's land is a lonely place of uncertainty. On the other side of no man's land is security.
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I owe it to myself to continue. I see or read many people who are sad and without this positive possibility; for them, it is darkness and gnashing of teeth.
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This is a positive possibility and that is all it is; for me. It's up to me to go further; it is a chance; It strengthens me; aligns me with enriching goals and directional purpose. All I have to do is let go and participate. I'm letting go to allow feeling good. Getting addicted to good feelings and positivity is the goal; Ill want more of it, and I can feel it now; it's growing; this idea of giving it a chance; trust. Trust is a big issue; I don't want to get hurt anymore.
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I must remember; I got hurt when young because I was surrounded by a horror show much bigger than I I'm. I never had a chance. Not at all.
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I have a chance now, but it has to be built; its internalized and that is the luck of the draw; meaning, I won the bankroll. The numbers came in and I won. The point is; to internalize a positive system happens through work and repetition; many long hours of work; much time involved; thousands of hours. once internalized its part of me; it grows in me and I grow with it. It's possible; I can feel it.
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However, it's in me but not developed. The first part is internalizing it; that means I've gone through a trust period and I've learned to trust again. Now; I work with it and grow; grow in the face of an insane outside world that seems to get more insane daily. But I'm getting it; I'm losing interest in the outside world and gaining interest in the imaginative world where dreams are made of.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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