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OMNICELL
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1009)
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- August 2019
Finding my voice
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:47 pm
Three important conversations with women
   Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:39 am
I letting socioapths attack me again; abuse me; feel demoralized
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:23 am
Mellowing; and idea of exploring the entrances to the gap...
   Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:20 am
A house and a backyard and 4 walls and a hobby
   Sun Aug 18, 2019 1:09 am
moving into know mans land (positive); and then through
   Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:41 pm
The Gap
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 8:37 pm
Teenage years
   Wed Aug 14, 2019 2:25 am
finding and painting rocks
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:14 pm
Expressing my feelings
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 3:26 pm
I know Ive never met any women to date ever....
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:02 am
Being alone all of my life with out women or a relationship
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:16 am
The wright brothers created plaines; Im creating my new life
   Tue Aug 13, 2019 8:41 am
A new era is starting; But Ive got problems
   Mon Aug 12, 2019 12:19 pm
Signs of the end is here; and a new era starting
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 6:13 pm
Trapped between 2 worlds
   Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:23 pm
Things are getting better; Im still fat; I got a problem
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 11:38 pm
Women have defeated me? and I feel deated? #1
   Fri Aug 09, 2019 6:45 am
Plans from the universe; they have cometh
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:39 pm
breaking things and coming together
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 11:44 am
What am I thinking about
   Wed Aug 07, 2019 4:16 am
That breaking point
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:45 pm
Needing my mothers permission
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:47 pm
And another day
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 5:03 pm
Im so right in the middle of the promises
   Tue Aug 06, 2019 4:35 pm
whats missing with music; live playing
   Mon Aug 05, 2019 11:22 pm
Women and John Denver
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm
Bulling
   Sun Aug 04, 2019 1:33 am
art images coming back and other things; taking action
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 8:35 pm
I wasn't suppose to break the my first girls heart....
   Sat Aug 03, 2019 12:47 pm
Take my mother out of the picture; what do I get.
   Fri Aug 02, 2019 11:47 pm
Where am at right now.
   Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:30 am

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Ive got my work cut out for me

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Feb 23, 2019 5:31 am

I want a women; someone with a masters degree in physics or something; astronomy; someone that wants to go out and look at the stars at night through a telescope; go to a star party; or the equivalent of what I'm suggesting; maybe; someone that is rich and has the time for such things. And all of that is OKe.
.
I'm not stupid to the point that I'm in a dream world about what could be and what is. I'm looking for someone that fits the internal interest of my desires. Actually, I'm not looking yet. I will get what could be. I won't settle for less, and that is the kind of mindset I must have to achieve my dreams; I'm slowly breaking down walls to achieve this mindset; the problem; its to slow for me; the progress. I want my mind out of the bottom of the loathed barrel of my past. I don't want to remember the past; meaning the lazy attitude of focusing on it; I want to work through it and move on; move on to something better. I've been unmotivated to not focus on the past. I've had no hope of creating a new life for myself; I've been a drifter.
.
I'm not looking yet; I'm wanting; a much different scenario. I will be looking in the near future when I overcome what happened to me as a child.
.
I have to overcome what happened to me as a child and get started again; I can feel the specific pains of hatred when I bring this up. I can feel the recovery involved, and I can feel the pain of those areas not healed yet; feels like sandpaper against gasoline lit on fire.

.

I get stopped with disbelief
.
The abusers of my past did not give me permission to move forward. I'm still trapped by them, but at a less degree; I'm stronger then I used to be; all of that goal setting is paying off.
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I'm still trapped in the old story and ritual because I want to be; I like that I hate; It gives me power. it gives me a pleasure against the machine; everything and everyone; its a way of creating a was -scapegoat. Im for the world; Im against the world; Im really for no one except myself; a kind of addict state of homelessness; that's what it feels like; the typical drifter living in the park.


The problem is; I'm awake enough to see how this is damaging me. My growth to regain and start a new life; fight on, s being corrupted by my laziness. I see this ever rediculous sunny day in my mind; much like the stoner things they can smoke dope and live forever in their grandmother's garage.
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It will take time to break through. Its of the most serious importance; its not about working through a movie script; its concernings working through a dead life and moving on from it; a gruesome tail of an innocent child with a bright future who loved his little life; then snuffed out and destroyed; killed of; murdered.
.
Now; Im trying to resurrect him. and move on down energy waterway.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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