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https://www.psychforums.com/blog/OMNICELL/ive_got_my_work_cut_out_for_me_b-12677_sid-f3618d55acd445b0f908e3dae199bb26.html |
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| Author: | OMNICELL [ Sat Feb 23, 2019 5:31 am ] |
| Blog Subject: | Ive got my work cut out for me |
I want a women; someone with a masters degree in physics or something; astronomy; someone that wants to go out and look at the stars at night through a telescope; go to a star party; or the equivalent of what I'm suggesting; maybe; someone that is rich and has the time for such things. And all of that is OKe. . I'm not stupid to the point that I'm in a dream world about what could be and what is. I'm looking for someone that fits the internal interest of my desires. Actually, I'm not looking yet. I will get what could be. I won't settle for less, and that is the kind of mindset I must have to achieve my dreams; I'm slowly breaking down walls to achieve this mindset; the problem; its to slow for me; the progress. I want my mind out of the bottom of the loathed barrel of my past. I don't want to remember the past; meaning the lazy attitude of focusing on it; I want to work through it and move on; move on to something better. I've been unmotivated to not focus on the past. I've had no hope of creating a new life for myself; I've been a drifter. . I'm not looking yet; I'm wanting; a much different scenario. I will be looking in the near future when I overcome what happened to me as a child. . I have to overcome what happened to me as a child and get started again; I can feel the specific pains of hatred when I bring this up. I can feel the recovery involved, and I can feel the pain of those areas not healed yet; feels like sandpaper against gasoline lit on fire. . I get stopped with disbelief . The abusers of my past did not give me permission to move forward. I'm still trapped by them, but at a less degree; I'm stronger then I used to be; all of that goal setting is paying off. . I'm still trapped in the old story and ritual because I want to be; I like that I hate; It gives me power. it gives me a pleasure against the machine; everything and everyone; its a way of creating a was -scapegoat. Im for the world; Im against the world; Im really for no one except myself; a kind of addict state of homelessness; that's what it feels like; the typical drifter living in the park. The problem is; I'm awake enough to see how this is damaging me. My growth to regain and start a new life; fight on, s being corrupted by my laziness. I see this ever rediculous sunny day in my mind; much like the stoner things they can smoke dope and live forever in their grandmother's garage. . It will take time to break through. Its of the most serious importance; its not about working through a movie script; its concernings working through a dead life and moving on from it; a gruesome tail of an innocent child with a bright future who loved his little life; then snuffed out and destroyed; killed of; murdered. . Now; Im trying to resurrect him. and move on down energy waterway. |
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