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OMNICELL
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Posts: 1035
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1021)
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Im still to young
   Fri Oct 18, 2019 4:36 pm
Age doesn't matter; PTSD does
   Sat Oct 12, 2019 11:17 pm
A fear of getting laid; a horrible fear
   Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:44 pm
She thought I was crazy; and she wasn't alone
   Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:00 am
Signs of handling reality
   Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:20 am

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Its beginning

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Tue Dec 04, 2012 10:03 pm

When you start waking up, you look around and see how everyone is or has manipulated you. As you wake up they come at you as they did before, However, you are awake this time, you see everything. You see all that you need to see. You see they are not on your side. They never were, They never have been.

Back to the present:

It feels like Im not safe, like the whole world is coming in on me. The whole world is my enemy. It seems that way. God is not, and I have to understand that God is on my side. He did not bring me back to dump me again... The stuff Im going through right now is enough to commit suicide if I was 16 again... Ive been here before. Its interesting that one wakes up to the same kind of stuff that he went to sleep from. The difference is; Im on my second life. Im not going anywhere, and Im much more aware of what is going on and why..

God put me with people that are vengeful and not the best of character. They helped me without knowing it. Now Im waking up and wanting out: Im not strong enough.

Im in this little town with all its funky people. They have kept me alive and never knew it. God knew it. It has been the perfect plan; really it has. It hurts tho, Ive had several people drop away or turn coat on me as I get better. These are liars and thieves that do no want to see me get better, its not in there best interests to see me with character.

How many teenagers go through this; they die... They kill themselves. And I remember when I died.

This is a ruthless gruesome time of pain and betrayal. I have to prepare. Daggers to my heart and my integrity. That is the battle that is coming.

I have online communities, that is all I have.. nothing more, as no one else is on my side. Whats new with that/ Nothing new here!

I have the ability to wake up, However, I cannot move, The PTSD condition is still here. So I cant get away from people fast enough, or be awake enough to respond for the attacks. I get blind sided.

I get enraged at how Im betrayed and treated. I am on my knees to God tho... And I will do things differently this time.

This is going to be a time that I get attacked ,. yet, cant defend myself... Not yet, Defense is responding. I cannot respond because of the dissociate disorder. This is going to be gruesome. In the end I hope to be safe and learn to hang on. If I can hang on , I move up the latter to better people, places and things. It is time, I have to trust God.

The truth is good enough, and no one wants the truth, therefore, its time for me to move on.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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